Have a Giggle!

I thought it was time to ‘lighten up’ and get away from the serious posts. So many caregivers suffer from depression due to their caring for their loved ones. It can be exhausting work–both physically and emotionally.
So take a breather, put your feet up, and have a giggle!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
He asked,”Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?”
“Oh no,” I replied. “I’ve never done either.”
Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said “No, I’ve heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf or sailing or ballooning or rock climbing ?”
“No, I don’t,” I said.
He said, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?”
“No,” I said. “I’ve never done any of those things.”
He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a crap if you live to be 80?!!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Cat In The Hat On Aging
I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad…can you tell
My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New words for an old song From The Sound of Music’s “A Few of My Favorite Things”:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knittin’,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin’s,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food and no food with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’.
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had, And then I don’t feel so bad.
THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I’VE HAD AND THEN I DON’T FEEL SOOO BAAAD.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday’s sermon was—Forgive Your Enemies
Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, “How many of
you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands. The
Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady.
“Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight.” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all
how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the
world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said: “I outlived the bitches.”