“I’ll always take care of you.” “I’ll never put you in a nursing home.”
Many caregivers have made this kind of promise to their parents. That promise–usually made when a parent is still ‘with it’ and fairly healthy–will leave the child with guilty feelings when the time comes that there is little choice but to break that promise and put the parent in a facility of some kind.
The guilt can be overwhelming as the child still tries to keep the parent at home and thus recieves low quality care due to the fact that the job has become so stressful that the caregiver/child can no longer manage properly due to intense stress. Once Alzheimer’s Disease or other dementia becomes a factor, it causes tremendous changes in the lives of the caregiver and the parent.
It will be necessary to come up with a new plan but use your love for her to guide your way. Love her enough to risk her short-term anger when you need to find a way for her to get better care.
Besides the changes in her condition, if you start noticing changes in your attitude such as wanting to ‘run away‘–then it is time to rethink the situation. You cannot give your best if you do not feel your best both physically and emotionally.
There are many types of facilities to choose from depending on the parent’s condition and financial situation.
–Alzheimer’s Assisted Living centers
–Special Care units
–Assisted Living centers
–Nursing homes
Placing the parent in another setting is actually an act of love. It allows for her to be in a safe setting, which will reduce her frustration and anxiety, with a staff that is well trained and capable of handling any incidents that occur. You can still visit as often as you wish and continue a loving, caring relationship with her.
You will have the added benefit of being able to relax and enjoy your life and other family members. You will be able to rejuvenate and know that your role in the caregiving was very important, and still is as you guide staff through the personal history they need to know about the parent.
All in all it can be a win/win situation. It will enhance your life and your parent’s life.
For more information on each type of facility see A Place For Mom
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