Mom--Ya Gotta Love Her!

My mama may have a few little idiosyncrasies but she’s so damn cute--without even trying!

Some of the funny faces she makes, when playing cards, is hilarious to watch. It’s all Sis and I can do to keep from busting out laughing!

She wears the cutest little capri pants and short-sleeve blouses that look just darling on her and her white hair is so thin but she wears it in the cutest short style that she cuts by herself!

Her sense of humor is nearly non-existent and she does not show or say ‘I love you’ unless we show it or say it first but she is very kind and very generous. She spoils all of us kids. A lot of times, we have to tell her “NO” or she’d spend all of her monthly check on  us! We have to make her put some in savings each month or she’d have nothing! This from a woman who used to be the greatest penny pincher/miser ever!

Mom has no dementia whatsoever--she is very with it! She will get confused if too much is going on at once but, hell,  I do that! Her memory amazes me! I have to ask her where things are or where I put this or that! Maybe I better start worrying about my own mental capacities! (However, I just chalk it up to menopausal mania!) 

I do wish I could find more lone activities for her to do. She reads a novel or does puzzle books on and off all day but mostly wants me to play card games with her! I love to play these games but not 10-15 times a day! I’m slowly getting burnt out on them.

Yeh, Mom has her kooky ways and odd ways of showing her love for us but--Ya gotta love her!

We do!!

That’s Not Funny!

Mom has little or no sense of humor!
When Sis and I are playing cards with her we’re joking with each other about each play we make or telling funny happenings of our day and cracking up about it. Mom just listens with a straight face or ignores us altogether.
We’ll be watching a situation comedy on tv, or a comedy movie, and laughing our butts off and she’ll say “Well, that’s just silly (or stupid). I don’t see anything funny about it at all. (OR–)that doesn’t happen in real life!”
Jeez Mom! Lighten up!!
My brother loves to tease us or pull practical jokes on us and all of us kids will have a great laugh about it. Mom just rolls her eyes or turns to her puzzle books and ignores us.
What makes someone be like that? I can’t imagine not laughing at least a few times every day! It keeps my spirits up and I enjoy having fun–even if it’s just corny, silly fun.
But, we all accept it–that’s our Mom–and have our fun without her. Just once, though, it would be nice to have her join us in the laughter.

Incense Hazards (plus Labor Day Weekend)

Mom and I both had developed a mild cough over the past week or so and today I discovered the possible cause. About a month ago, I was over to Sis’s and her house smelled wonderful! She burns vanilla-scented incense all day and it was heavenly! I told Mom about it and she said to get some when I went to the store. So, I did just that.
I noticed last week that she had been coughing and she said she never has a cough. I realized I was coughing quite a bit, too. This morning neither one of us was coughing, then I lit the incense and about a half hour later we were both coughing. Curious, I searched online about incense and coughing and discovered it could be the cause of the coughing. It turns out that incense burns 45% carbon into the air as opposed to the 10% from cigarette smoke! Wow! That’s quite a bit!! So, we decided to go without the incense for a week and see if it really is the cause of our coughing.
I’ll try to remember to give ya’ll an update on that.
We had a wonderful Labor Day weekend! Brother D, the truck driver, was here for 4 days and Sis J and her fella, M, and brother N came over here for Saturday dinner. I bought 2 large chuck roasts and made a huge pot of roast beef with boiled potatoes and carrots and green beans plus biscuits. By the time the meal was over there was a small wedge of roast left and that was about it! Mom and I are going to shred it for roast beef sandwiches this week–yum!!
Sis and I hung out with Mom most of the time. Brother N finished building the porch and porch roof onto the side of the mobile home. He finished the ramp for Mom except for putting the non-skid outdoor carpet on it, that gets finished next weekend. She’s thrilled with it! Sis and I went to WalMart and bought her a set of deck chairs–waterproof–and a small table to set between them and we sure enjoyed the evening sitting out there together after it cooled off! Brother D spent most of the time playing his video games and drinking beer. I swear he’s 51 going on 12! (Well, except for the beer–haha!!)
Hope all of you had a great weekend, too!

Don’t Wanna Be Left Out!

Well, here’s a dilemma! Before I moved here to help care for Mom, Sis always bought her groceries for her. Mom had Sis’ name added to her checking account so Sis could write a check for them. When I arrived, Sis was relieved because Mom’s grocery needs were sometimes things that Sis was not familiar with (she is not a cook by any means) and it frustrated her to no end to shop for Mom. So, I told Mom I could get our groceries from now on. She asked how she was going to write a check when the store wouldn’t let me sign for it without my name on it. I explained to her that I could get the groceries with my bank card, then she could write me a check to pay me back–simple! For some reason, Mom wasn’t issued a bank card when she joined the bank 30 years ago and they haven’t issued her one even though they are available now. Anyway, Mom agreed to do it that way.
The next grocery day, she changed her mind. She said she didn’t want Sis to feel left out–like I was ‘taking over’ for her– so Mom decided to divide the grocery list between the 2 of us! Sis and I are both rolling our eyes at this but Sis doesn’t want to hurt Mom’s feelings by telling her she didn’t want to get the groceries anymore and was happy to have me do it. So, we both go to the store together and get what’s on our individual lists (actually I compile both lists into one and we get them all) then Sis pays for them with Mom’s check.
This is crazy!! Why should both of us have to go when I can do it myself?? Sis is frustrated and I’m just annoyed. But Mom insists we do it together so neither of us feel ‘left out’.
When Brother is here he wants to sleep in his sleep cab in his semi truck which he parks in the drive—that’s home to him and all of his ‘stuff’ is in there but Mom insists he pull out the sofa-bed and sleep in here because she doesn’t want him to sleep in the truck and feel ‘left out’!! So, he gets frustrated and argues with her and usually wins and sleeps in the truck. Now, she’s upset because she thinks he won’t sleep in here because the sofa-bed is uncomfortable so she wants to buy a new on and Brother tells her “No, you don’t need a new one.” And on and on it goes!
Sis eats many of her evening meals at my other brother’s house across the street. Mom asked her to have dinner with us one night, then changed her mind because she was afraid other Brother would feel ‘left out’ and have to eat alone. True, he could have come to eat with us also but when he gets home from work he doesn’t feel like getting back out again to come here.
What in the world is all this “feel left out” business about? None of us have any idea! Our eyeballs are starting to hurt from all of the eye-rolling!

Elephant Stew!

This is an honest-to-goodness recipe in an old cookbook published by a church, by it’s members, in the 1970’s. I just had to post it as it made me bust out with laughter so I wanted to share it with you.
(from “Life Grows Better with Good Cooks” published by Norris Chapel United Methodist Church, Auburn Indiana)

Elephant Stew

1 elephant (medium size)
2 rabbits (optional)
Salt and pepper
Cut the elephant into small bite-size pieces. This should take about 2 months.
Add enough brown gravy to cover.
Cook over kerosene fire for about 4 weeks at 465 degrees.
This will serve 38 people. If more are expected, 2 rabbits may be added, but do this only if necessary as most people do not like to find “hare” in their stew.
(Recipe from Martha Albert)
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Things are going well with Mom. A few days ago, I noticed my energy level dipping and I was feeling a little down and no motivation. I realized it was from being in this dark house for days on end.
The next morning I got up (I’m usually up about an hour before Mom) and I opened all of the curtains in the living room. I opened the front door wide as it has a glass/screen door on the outside and I let that sunshine pour in! I instantly felt relaxed yet energized at the same time. I felt awake for the first time in days! I was a little anxious about what Mom would say when she got up.
She got up and came out to the living room and sat in her chair but didn’t say anything about the curtains being opened. Sis came in a little after that and exclaimed “Wow! It looks so airy and sunny in here. I love it!” Mom still didn’t say anything. Sis and I discussed how dark rooms made both of us feel depressed and gloomy and how much better we feel with the natural light coming in–still nothing said by Mom.
Later that day, I could see Mom looking out the windows and she commented on different things:
“Would you look at that? The flowers over at the neighbor’s are blooming beautifully and look at my rose bush! So many pretty flowers!” or “There goes so-and-so that lives down the street.” or “I see Sis coming!”, etc., etc.
She’s become quite the reporter of various neighborhood activities and I’ve become alive and sane again!

What a Worry-Wart!

Mom is such a worry-wart! She frets over my brother’s hair–it’s too long!  He’s an over-the-road semi truck driver so he doesn’t have to be well-kempt. He’s 50 years old and is still living in the 70’s when it comes to his hair. So what. It’s his hair, he’s a grown man, but she harps on him when he’s here and, when he’s not here, I get to hear it nearly everyday–“I wish D would get a haircut, it’s too long.” At first, I would reply with “Mom, he’s not going to. He’s a grown man and he’s going to wear his hair the way he wants.” After, the eleventy hundredth time of hearing this, I now reply with “Yeh, I know” and change the subject.
Then she worries about Sis’ live-in boyfriend. He is a slug, doesn’t work a real job just gets work as a handyman here and there, he uses Sis as a home to come to and food to eat and other uh–stuff. Yes, he takes advantage of her. Yes, she lets him. But this has gone on for 18 years. It’s not gonna change. Leave it alone, it’s her life. But I get to hear that several times a week–”I wish she’d get rid of him, he doesn’t do anything for her.” Well, Mom, I wish the same thing but it’s not going to happen until J has had enough and kicks him out. There is no physical abuse, no psychological abuse, etc. He uses her, and she uses him so she doesn’t have to live alone. If it works, it works–but I do feel sad for her but, again, not our business.
My other brother, N, is a true gem. He lives 2 doors down and he takes care of  all repairs and maintenance on Mom’s mobile home. He just finished building her a new ramp and a front porch. He is going to replace the skirting before winter sets in. so, I get to hear that several times a week. “I wonder when N is going to get the skirting on?” Mom, he’s got until November to get it done. He works full time and has really bad knees so he needs some rest on the weekends. He’ll get to it when he can.
And so on and so on…….and so on.
Patience, Barbara, patience! Take a deep breath. There ya go, now isn’t that better?—????

No Room With A View

(My posts on Senior Safari will be mostly personal from now on as I'm not working anymore and will be Mom's caregiver.)

Well, I arrived at Mom’s on Wednesday, July 29th, at 7:40 pm. My sister met me at the car, as I was getting out, with hugs and joy. I glanced up and there, on the front porch, stood my little Mommy whom I haven’t seen in 11 years! She had aged considerably and looked so cute in her capris and short-sleeved blouse. I walked up the steps and hugged her and tears welled up a little bit. I was so happy to have arrived safely and to see her face. Mom, stoic as ever, said “Quit your bawlin’ and come in and sit down.” But she, also, was so happy to see me. She had worried and paced the entire 3 days I was on the road. We visited for a couple hours, then it was bedtime. I slept like a rock for the first time in months!
The next day, I noticed she didn’t open any of the curtains and all the light bulbs were 40 and 60 watts–very low lighting. The house was dark and gloomy. I opened the front door for the breeze to come in and let in the sunlight. Then I opened the kitchen curtains and she asked what I was doing! I told her I was letting in the sunlight and starting the day with natural light to raise our spirits. She replied, “I don’t have any spirits and there’s no view out there, there’s nothing to see but the neighbor’s house!” I went on to explain that we needed the sunlight to enhance our vitamin D and our calcium and magnesium in our bodies. She just rolled her eyes and closed the curtains. Sis told me she’s kept the house closed up like that for years but didn’t suffer from depression so she gave up trying to convince Mom to ‘open the house’ for the day. I brought up the vitamin theory again on and off that day and the next. Then on the 3rd morning I got up and she was sitting at the kitchen table with the curtains open! Yay!! But, I still can’t get her to open any other curtains in the house. I say to myself  “one step at a time“.
I have done so much the past 2 weeks that it’s mind-numbing!
All of the screens in my room were off and the windows stuck shut so my first step was getting the screens out of the closet, putting them in and washing the windows and loosening them so they would open. One was broken so I repaired that.
The room was decorated in orange–Gack!!!! So I removed the bedspread and rug and curtains and put up my lavender and blue stuff. Now it’s a nice, peaceful looking room.
I bought and hung mini blinds for the bedroom windows and I scrubbed the toilet in my bathroom thoroughly! It was really bad from my brother using it during his visits and Mom couldn’t get down low enough to clean it properly.
Sis bought some 75 watt light bulbs and I put all of those in except for in Mom’s bedroom. I didn’t want to invade her ‘space’! Sis bought herself a new computer desk and gave me her old one so we spent 2 days, on and off, putting that together. Then we carried the old desk down here to Mom’s and got it set up and organized. I cleaned my computer real good and got it hooked up and running but didn’t get internet service until a few days ago.
I scrubbed the stove and refrigerator. It had black mold all around the edges–Ewwww!! I bought Mom a little table lamp to use at the kitchen table during card games. Hers kept shorting out–unsafe!
I hung a shelf for Mom’s bedroom. It had fallen and no one else took the time to fix it. (G-r-r-r) Plus I hung the living room clock where she could see it. It hung behind her chair, on the wall. Didn’t Sis or Brother think of these things??
Mom’s favorite recipes were all faded or torn so I typed/printed out those for her in larger font so she could read them easily.
I’ve learned 2 card games and 2 board games that Mom loves to play and we do that every afternoon alternating between games each day.
Dang! I’m wore out just writing about this let alone when I was actually doing it! haha! I’m going to try to get back to my old posting schedule but it may be erratic. I’m searching for a part-time job on top of everything else so I’m kind of “off kilter” right now.
It sure is nice to be back. I’ve missed everyone!! I hope to post again soon!

On Hiatus–Back Soon!!

(originally posted July 20, 2009)

I will soon be joining the ranks of Personal Caregivers everywhere!! Help me!!!!!!! hahaha!!!
My Mother lives in West Texas and she has had a few falls lately–none serious yet–and she has asked me to come home and help her. My sis has been keeping an eye on her and she simply does not have the patience to continue at any length.
Mom can be very bossy/demanding and is very impatient when things aren’t done to her timetable (meaning yesterday!). Sis easily falls back into the mother/child dynamic and finds it too hard to handle Mom.
I haven’t seen Mom, sis, or brother for 11 years so it’s time I went back home anyway. I’ve been unemployed for over 6 months with no hope of finding anything here soon and my unemployment has run out so this is actually a godsend for me.
I’m hoping that my 8 years experience in eldercare plus the fact that I’ve been distant for so long will play in my favor and help me to be able to handle Mom without tearing out my hair–or hers!
I leave next Monday and should arrive there Wednesday. A good friend of mine, Susan, is driving with me then flying back on Thursday. I hope to be back online within a week or so–tentatively posting again by August 10th.
Everybody wish me luck! Please!!!

Have a Giggle!

I thought it was time to ‘lighten up’ and get away from the serious posts. So many caregivers suffer from depression due to their caring for their loved ones. It can be exhausting work–both physically and emotionally.
So take a breather, put your feet up, and have a giggle!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
He asked,”Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?”
“Oh no,” I replied. “I’ve never done either.”
Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said “No, I’ve heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf or sailing or ballooning or rock climbing ?”
“No, I don’t,” I said.
He said, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?”
“No,” I said. “I’ve never done any of those things.”
He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a crap if you live to be 80?!!”
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The Cat In The Hat On Aging
I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad…can you tell
My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.
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New words for an old song From The Sound of Music’s “A Few of My Favorite Things”:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knittin’,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin’s,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food and no food with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’.
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had, And then I don’t feel so bad.
THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I’VE HAD AND THEN I DON’T FEEL SOOO BAAAD.
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Sunday’s sermon was—Forgive Your Enemies
Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, “How many of
you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands. The
Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady.
“Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight.” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all
how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the
world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said: “I outlived the bitches.”

Tips for Caregivers

Assuming the Role of Caregiver
You are now the advocate for your loved ones. Make sure they are getting the best medical care possible. Your job is to find the most competent and caring physicians you can. Work with medical professionals you can trust to help you and your loved one through these difficult times. You will find strength you never knew you had, just make sure you save some for yourself. One of the hazards of caregiving is sacrificing yourself in the process.
One Thing at a Time
During times of crisis, don’t worry about the future.  Deal with NOW. Choose the first goal to reach. Don’t worry about what might occur later. This only increases your anxiety and stress. Choose the next goal and take one step at a time. Worrying about the future saps your energy during critical times.
Tell Others Your Worries
Don’t deny your own pain and frustration.  And don’t hold it in. It is important to find ways to vent about your own stress and tell others what you are going through. Those who care will be there for you.
Taking Care of You
You must take care of your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. You may be focused on your loved one’s suffering, but you need to be strong in order to be there for them. Leave, with a friend or other family member taking over, for short periods, and do not feel guilty. Watch your own health–get adequate nutrition, exercise, and rest. Remember the statement about using oxygen masks on airplanes: “When flying with children, always place YOUR mask on first.” You have to be strong, aware and able-bodied to be able to help others.
Knowing When to Let Go
When it comes to making decisions about end of life or continued treatment, make the choice is based on the best interest of your loved one. Rather than allowing loved ones to die peacefully, some people insist that “everything be done.” This causes unnecessary pain and suffering to the loved one. The motivation may be guilt or the inability to let go. In such situations this is a selfish, rather than a loving act. Know in your heart when it is time to let go.

Help Video for Caregivers

I want to thank Terrilee from the blog Loving Grand for posting about this video. I decided to post about it for my readers who may be interested.
The video is quite long but broken into segments so you can watch it at your leisure then, later, take up where you left off.
It is put together by Alzcast.org. I hope you will learn from this well-presented feature:

Caring For a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Disease

Assisted Living Menus

It is my opinion that many Assisted Living facilities do not take into consideration the menu needs of a dementia sufferer. I have worked for 8 years in this field and I’m in the Midwest so I am speaking of those communities.
Most of these facilities have 70% dementia sufferers as their residents. Yet, in the dining room, they tend to cater more toward the retired independent clients. The menus may include items such as:
Tuna burger nicoise
Hawaiian veal roast with red bliss potatoes
Salmon Oscar  (cooked salmon topped with crab meat, asparagus, and a creamy bearnaise sauce)
Cabbage with mango and peanut salad followed by shrimp risotto prepared Tuscan style.
Raspberry Mesclun Salad  (Mesclun, Raspberries, Goat Cheese and Walnuts with Raspberry Dressing)
Chicken Française with Penne Sicilian
Sautéed Maryland Crab Cakes with a Saffron Red Pepper Remoulade Gravlox
Well, you get the idea. While these menus may be delicious, they are not standard fair for Midwest communities. These people were raised on roast beef cooked with potatoes and carrots, fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, pinto beans with cornbread and fried potatoes and so on.
Their vegetables were canned which meant they were soft when cooked, while facilities steam the vegetables which gives a chewy texture that the residents do not like. They roasted or baked, or fried their meats while facilities tend to braise or steam the meats which make them tough to eat.
Many times, I have asked the Food Service Directors if they would modify the menus for the dementia patients. I was told they were not allowed to do that due to Corporate procedure. Corporate made the menus and passed them to all of their facilities. The menus would be based on the popularity of their larger facilities that were in New York or California. We aren’t in New York or California. We are Midwestern down-home people who prefer simplicity in our meals.
They were allowed to add items “off” menu such as hamburgers, grilled cheese, tuna salad sandwiches and such which meant the majority of the dementia patients would order those most of the time. This would upset the Directors because the residents weren’t even trying the fancier choices. Well, gee, do you have any idea what “Chicken Française with Penne Sicilian” means to someone with dementia? It means ‘Huh?’!! If they don’t know what it is, they’re not going to order it!
Sausage Manicotti? Please– give ‘em spaghetti and meatballs.
Rotini Greek Salad? Please don’t. Macaroni salad is just fine.

Broken Promises

“The promise given was a necessity of the past: the word broken is a necessity of the present.” Machiavelli

“I’ll always take care of you.” “I’ll never put you in a nursing home.”
Many caregivers have made this kind of  promise to their parents. That promise–usually made when a parent is still ‘with it’ and fairly healthy–will leave the child with guilty feelings when the time comes that there is little choice but to break that promise and put the parent in a facility of some kind.
The guilt can be overwhelming as the child still tries to keep the parent at home and thus recieves low quality care due to the fact that the job has become so stressful that the caregiver/child can no longer manage properly due to intense stress. Once Alzheimer’s Disease or other dementia becomes a factor, it causes tremendous changes in the lives of the caregiver and the parent.
It will be necessary to come up with a new plan but use your love for her to guide your way. Love her enough to risk her short-term anger when you need to find a way for her to get better care.
Besides the changes in her condition, if you start noticing changes in your attitude such as wanting to ‘run away‘–then it is time to rethink the situation. You cannot give your best if you do not feel your best both physically and emotionally.
There are many types of facilities to choose from depending on the parent’s condition and financial situation.
–Alzheimer’s Assisted Living centers
–Special Care units
–Assisted Living centers
–Nursing homes
Placing the parent in another setting is actually an act of love. It allows for her to be in a safe setting, which will reduce her frustration and anxiety, with a staff that is well trained and capable of handling any incidents that occur. You can still visit as often as you wish and continue a loving, caring relationship with her.
You will have the added benefit of being able to relax and enjoy your life and other family members. You will be able to rejuvenate and know that your role in the caregiving was very important, and still is as you guide staff through the personal history they need to know about the parent.
All in all it can be a win/win situation. It will enhance your life and your parent’s life.
For more information on each type of facility see  A Place For Mom

Sandwich Generation Women

The “Sandwich Generation” describes those who are sandwiched between the dual responsibilities of caring for their own children and for aging parents or relatives. This group usually falls in the 35 to 64-year-old age range, although people outside that range can also be considered part of the Sandwich Generation.
In addition, women are often the most sandwiched in this situation as they are usually the primary caregiver to children and aging relatives, and they typically make health care decisions for the family.
According to the U.S. Census, more than 42 million women fall into the age range for the Sandwich Generation. That means millions of Americans may be caught in the middle – juggling the multiple responsibilities of jobs, families and aging relatives.
For more information and helpful links, visit  Help Starts Here
 

Online Support Groups

In the years that I’ve been in the Retirement Home/Assisted Living business I have received very little training in dementia care. One place had no training at all and the other gave employees 6 hours a year. It was done in one day and consisted of reading materials–that we couldn‘t keep! There was no input, insight, or examples given by a trainer–there was no trainer! Very little of the ‘training’ was retained since it was too much too absorb so quickly.
I’m an avid believer in online support forums. I’ve belonged to several over the years. Some were for fun and learning things like creating art or cross-stitch needlepoint, some were for more serious support like surviving abuse  or going through an illness or a life-phase that was hard to cope with alone. Without those support groups, I would have been a lost soul trying to struggle on my own.
So, I decided to search for and join some groups for caregiving and for learning more about dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease. I found three that I liked, that were very informative and user-friendly. I joined and posted my introduction on why I was there. Two of them I received one reply each. The third one, though, gave me so much feedback so quickly, sometimes within minutes and from several members! What a great site it is!
Eldercare Forum is so warm and inviting. They are very knowledgeable on the day-to-day aspects of caregiving–they have been there done that!! The forum is part of their informational site ElderCareOnline. The site offers many valuable tips on preparing the home for one with dementia, the experience of living in a nursing home, a bookstore and a Caregiver Education Series. Their Alzheimer’s/Dementia Care Channel  gives links to ‘Stages of Alzheimer’s Disease’, ‘Behavior Management‘, ‘Caregiving Day by Day’ and much more.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a shoulder to lean on (or cry on) then this is the place for you. They will welcome you with open arms.
Then there is the The Family Caregiver Forum  This forum is for all family caregivers–not just for Alzheimer’s or Dementia–who care for a parent, spouse, child, or other family member.
I joined this past Saturday night and, by the following night, I received several replies that were very informative and supportive. The members made me feel very welcome and part of their family.
The forum is part of the site ‘National Family Caregivers Association’ which educates, supports, empowers and speaks up for the more than 50 million Americans who care for loved ones with a chronic illness or disability or the frailties of old age.
Please, if you are in need of support and want to be warmly welcomed to this group, sign up and join this great ‘family’!
(Links to these forums are also in my sidebar.)

Memories

But, thanks for the memory:
Of every touch a thrill. I’ve been through the mill.
I’ve lived a lot and learned a lot……..

Our elders have learned a lot through the years. They have so much to share with us. They have many, many experiences tucked under their belt, many stories to tell.
Wouldn’t it be nice if those memories were recorded for future generations? This can be done in several different ways. A scrapbook, a journal, a tape recording, or a video recording of them telling those stories—relating those many experiences. Lessons learned to be handed down through the family.
I know that we adults live busy lives and some of you are thinking “When would I find the time?” It doesn’t have to be you. Possibly there is a child or teenager in the family who would love to be a ‘reporter’ and interview the elder and record or videotape it. They could take the time to put together a scrapbook of photos, newspaper clippings, photocopies of diplomas, certificates, birth announcements, etc. The child would benefit from such an interactive activity and the elder would feel like he/she were contributing something worthwhile.
For further information and ideas, see this article……
Preserve Life Stories 

Mom, You’re Not Crazy!

Just before Christmas, I’d been home for an entire week because I had too many vacation days built up and had to use them by the end of the year. So, I was at home finding all kinds of things to do–like long neglected housework (yuck)–when my 85-year-old Mom called me.
“Honey, I sent out your Christmas card but I can’t remember if I wrote anything in it or not!”
“Haha! Well, Mom, if you didn’t then I will write in there that it was from you. No big deal.”
“But you don’t understand! I’m afraid I’m going crazy! You know, that demented thing people get when they get old!”
“Mom, you’re not crazy or demented. For one thing, if you had dementia, you wouldn’t even remember to send out Christmas cards let alone write in them.”
“You’re kidding me. Is that what dementia is?”
“Yes, that is what dementia is. You wouldn’t remember to do simple holiday things, you might not even remember what Christmas is. So I think you are just fine, don’t worry about it.”
“Well, ok then. When you get it, will you call me and let me know if I wrote anything or not?”
“I sure will, Mom, love you and talk to you later.”
I received the card about three days later and, yes, she had written a short note in it. My Mom is just fine. I hope I’m as active and spry as she is when I reach her age.
Please keep in mind that there are those loved ones who don’t remember the holidays or the traditions anymore but they should still be included in all the gatherings and all the hoopla. If not for their sake, then for yours. You will have the memories to hold on to when you need to.

Dealing with Dementia

Dealing with people who have dementia is so very hard. It requires much patience and understanding.
I deal with people who have dementia, on a daily basis, at work. Of the 80 residents we have, over 75% of them have dementia in one stage or another. It can be heartbreaking. I don’t know how family members deal with it. I can’t imagine my own mother not knowing who I am! The feeling must be devastating.
There are many residents that I’m very close to and have know the past 5 years.
It’s very sad when they don’t know my name. They know who I am, they see me every day, and I have wonderful interactions with them. But, five minutes later, it is as if it never happened.
Sometimes, it’s less than five minutes. We have one table of four ladies who have Alzheimer’s. I’ll take their lunch order, go to the next table to take their order and they call me back over to ask “When are you going to take our order?” I have to explain that I took their order and the cook is working on it. I walk away, to turn in my orders and fix their drinks, etc. but every time I walk by their table, I am asked again–and again–about their order so I have to repeat my self again–and again. Yes, it can be frustrating. Patience! Patience! Deep breaths!
One resident there is so much fun. I’ve known her for over 2 years, since she moved in. She is a cusser, she pulls no punches, she says it like it is. I just love her! She used to be the Head Surgical Nurse at our local hospital, very dignified, very tough. Sadly, her secret life caught up with her as she has alcohol-related dementia. She is only 60-plus. She doesn’t even look like she should be here, she looks so young. When she sees me, she just lights up. She banters with me and acts all tough then she’ll hug me so tight and laugh and we’ll joke with each other. She is not like that with anyone else. She remembers how she interacts with me but she doesn’t remember my name.
Then there’s one lady who is simply just ‘lost’. She knows her own name but that’s about it. You have to take her to her table, show her how to sit down, show her how to use her silverware. She doesn’t understand the concept of eating anymore. Every meal, she must be instructed through the entire process again. Between meals, she just sits in the lobby “reading” the same magazine over and over. If she’s allowed to stay in her room, she will just get into bed and stay there. So, we all try to keep her active but it’s pretty much a lost cause.
But, I keep taking care of them in the dining room, I chat with their families (when and if they come to visit)and let them know how they are doing. I love them, I feel bad for them–these lost wandering souls who have no memories. So sad.
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These are some things I have learned, over the years, through our Dementia Training classes that might interest others……
Dementia definition: Dementia is a mental disorder characterized by a general loss of intellectual abilities involving impairment of memory, judgement, and abstract thinking as well as changes in personality. Dementia is a condition of many diseases;
dementia itself is not a disease. Dementing conditions are caused by an abnormal disease process that can affect both younger and older people.
The term dementia denotes memory loss. Medication can slow the progression of dementia, but damage to the brain cannot be reversed.
The losses caused by dementia interfere with a person’s ability to function normally in social and occupational activities.
There are over 100 conditions that mimic dementia: reactions to medications, emotional distress, metabolic disturbances (for example: that sick feeling you get if you worked a double shift and did not eat or sleep), kidney failure, hypothyroidism, liver failure, vision and hearing problems, nutritional deficiencies, infections, and brain tumors.
Diseases that contribute to dementia:
–Alzheimer’s disease–An irreversible neurological disorder.
–Alcohol Related Dementia–May occur as a sequel to chronic alcohol abuse.
–Stroke or multiple small strokes
–Vitamin B-12 deficiency–A form of anemia
–Parkinson’s Disease–A progressive neurological disease
–Cerebral Diseases–diseases of the brain
–Metabolic disorders–something that has upset the the body’s natural balance
–Poor nutrition
Aging Issues of Dementia:
–Memory Impairment (recent memories first)
–Disorientation–may not know where they are or how they got there
–Apraxia–Inability to execute a skilled or learned motor act
–Agnosia–Loss of ability to recognize objects, people, sounds, shapes or smells
–Aphasia–Loss of the ability to speak or write or to understand spoken or written language