Day-to-Day Ditties

Most of what has happened around here has been a little of this, a little of that, but not enough for a very long post. So, I’m combining the little happenings into one post.......

One evening, Mom took her shower and washed her hair. She went to bed soon afterward.
The next morning, she came out of her bathroom and sat down in the kitchen where I was getting some coffee. She looked kind of bewildered.

What’s wrong, Mom?
My hair turned white!
Your hair turned white? What do you mean?
Look! My hair turned white when I washed it last night!
Oh my gosh! You’re right! It IS white! Wow!

I wasn’t going to argue and tell her that her hair has been white for nearly 20 years-- ya gotta pick your battles.
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A few days ago, after 3 very dry and windy days, I decided to water the trees. One spindly tree had several dead limbs, from another old tree, laying on the ground near it.

Mom, I’m going out to water the trees.
Well, do me a favor. Those limbs that are laying out there-- will you take some string and tie the limbs to that little tree? That way they will grow onto it.
Mom, it doesn’t work that way. Those limbs belonged to another tree and they are dead, they won’t grow again.
Ok!! Whatever you think!
And she, angrily, stomped off to her room.
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Mom had been very jumpy for a few days. Every sound-- the closing of a car door outside, a tree limb scratching the side of the house, a noise from the neighbors-- She would jump and loudly proclaim “What was that?” Sis or I would calmly tell her what each sound was. This went on for awhile.

Finally, I asked her, “Mom, why are you so jumpy and nervous lately?”
I don’t know! I think I’m going through menopause!”

(Yeh, Mom, that’s probably it.)
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Which brings me to an incident that happened one afternoon between Sis and I.
She was fixing herself a ham sandwich and I was microwaving some hot tea.

She gets out the sandwich makings then, while putting it all away, she asked me why the tartar sauce was out? I told her “You got it out!” She just shook her head in exasperation.

In the meantime, I had put a teabag in a cup and popped in the microwave. When it beeped, I took it out of the microwave and discovered I hadn‘t put any water in it!

Jeesh! How can 2 menopausal maniacs, with memory lapses, take care of their Mom who has dementia? Blind leading the blind!
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---What you have read is the God’s honest truth. Trust me, I couldn’t make this stuff up!---

I'm Melting!

And, yes, I’ve somehow become the Wicked Witch of the West!

This past Wednesday, the temperature had soared to 80 degrees! I would be fine with this for a day or 2 but checked the 10-day weather report and it was going to be HOT for a week with a little break for a couple days then HOT again for days and days.

This mobile home is the typical ‘metal box’ and heat absorbed into it in no time. We had the screen on the front door and that was all. None of the windows (old roll-out type) open in this house except for one in my bedroom. They are all rusted/corroded shut and haven’t been open in over 20 years. I just don’t ‘get that’! How can someone live without ever opening their windows for fresh air?

I told Mom the weather forecast and suggested we get the air conditioning going. She said it was way too early in the season and we always have snow on Easter so, no, we weren’t going to turn it on yet. I explained, again, the weather report --no more snow, just hot, hot, hot! She insisted it was going to snow and that’s the end of that!

I tried to just shut up and take the heat but by afternoon, I was pouring sweat. Add the occasional hot flash and I was miserable. I put the fan in the living room but all it did was stir around the hot air. Mom was sweating,  also, and changed into shorts and a sleeveless blouse but still sweating and uncomfortable and still adamant that there was no need for the AC yet. Sis came over later and said “My God! It feels like a furnace in here, why don’t you have the AC on?” I told her to ask Mom. She did, and got the same argument. She told Mom it didn’t matter if it was going to snow on Easter, it was hot NOW and she needed to get that AC on.

Sis called brother N to come down and do the yearly maintenance on the AC and get it turned on. He came in and exclaimed about how hot it was in here. Mom said nothing to him. But, while he was outside getting the AC ready, she told me and Sis and that he could do the maintenance on it but we were NOT going to turn it on! “I’ve never in my life ever turned on the AC in April! I never turn it on until June!” We argued that there was no way we were waiting until June, we’d have a heat stroke!

N came in later and said it was ready to go. Mom said, “Don’t you turn that on! It’s too early!” So, he had pretty much the same argument us girls had with her and she just sighed and clammed up. N turned on the AC and we had blessed relief within minutes.

Mom has always paid N for whatever work he does around the house but later, during a card game, she asked me how much I was going to pay him!!! I very calmly stated “Whatever he wants!!” I was not going to play her game!

She didn’t speak to me or Sis for 2 days and the atmosphere was very tense. We were evil beings who dared to defy her kingdom! But, all is well, now, and she is appreciating the cool air.

Tomorrow is Easter --- weather forecast is a high of 90 and sunny.

Mom’s Shallow-minded Beauty Tips

Over these past few months, I have learned that Mom is very shallow-minded and judgmental. She is obsessed with people’s looks.

I wear my hair long. It is past my shoulders and it is straight and fine. I, occasionally, wear it in a ponytail or a bun. When I first arrived here, to take care of Mom, I’d worn my hair up in a bun due to the July heat. The next morning, I brushed it out and left it down. Later that day, Sis and I were going to the store. We were both wearing sweatpants and t-shirts. Sis’s shoulder length hair was in a ponytail --her usual style.

As we were ready to go out the door, Mom said to me, “Aren’t you going to wear your hair up or curl it? Where’s your makeup? You have no makeup on!” I told her no, it wasn’t hot enough to wear my hair up, I‘m not going to curl it when it‘ll be straight in another 5 minutes, and I don‘t wear makeup.

Then she commented on my style of dress. “You’re going to town dressed like that?” Like what?!!  I realized right then what was going on. I said, “Mom, this is who I am. This is how I dress. This is how I wear my hair. I am who I am and if people don’t like it, well, that’s too bad.”
She’s never brought it up to me again and Sis told me she had said the same to Mom years ago so that’s why Mom didn’t say anything to her.

Now, brother D is home for a few days and I have to listen to her complain about his looks constantly -- but never to him! D has longish hair kept back in a ponytail and he has a full beard and moustache --very hippie/70’s looking. He is 50 years old and not about to change.

Every single time, D has left to go somewhere, I get to hear:

“I wish he’d cut his hair!”
“I wish he’d shave that beard!”
“I wish he’d wear nice jeans and a shirt instead of those ratty jeans and t-shirts!”
“I wish he’d buy a decent coat instead of wearing that damn jean jacket!”

After months of hearing this, on and off, I’d had enough!

D left for town this morning and I got the endearing pleasure of listening to her tirade again!
Now, Mom has a way of avoiding discussions or arguments by always saying “OK” in a very sweet, little voice. That means she ‘agrees’ so no use to continue the conversation --it maddens me beyond belief!

So, after her little outburst, I said “Mom! Clothes do not make the person! Looks do not matter! It’s what is in a person’s heart that matters and the kind of person they are that counts!”

“ok.”

Gr-r-r-r! I want her to have a conversation with me about her shallow thinking and her prejudices
(that’s a whole other subject) so I can try to explain how crude her thinking is in this day and age. But, she cuts me off with that ‘OK’ so I end up feeling very frustrated!

So, if anyone comes to visit, I hope they’re dressed to the ‘nines’ or else I’ll be hearing how dreadful they are. Over and over again.

The High Cost of Toilet Paper

The other day Mom and I was going over our grocery list to see what was needed. I told her we needed to add toilet paper to the list.
Toilet paper?! We just bought toilet paper 2 weeks ago!
I know, Mom, but there’s only 2 rolls left and that won’t last for another week.
Just how much toilet paper do you use?
Well, when I lived alone, I averaged using about 3 or 4 rolls per week.
3 or 4 ROLLS PER WEEK!!!!!!!! My god, Barbara! That is so wasteful!!
No it’s not, Mom. That is average for most women. Actually I know many women who use a lot more than that. I, also, use it for Kleenex to blow my nose you know. A 4-roll pack only costs 99 cents.
99 CENTS!! OUTRAGEOUS!!! Prices these days are ridiculous!!
Mom, that’s the cheap generic brand. Other brands are twice as expensive and, besides, I buy my own toilet paper. It doesn’t come out of your money.
That doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t spend your money like that, you know it doesn’t last forever!
Gee, Mom, you might want to think about that when you buy 2 puzzle books a week at $3 and $4 per book!
I need my puzzle books!
Well, I’m pretty sure I need my toilet paper!

(( Ok, readers, help me out here. How much toilet paper do you use per week?))
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When we went to the eye doctor for Mom’s checkup on her Glaucoma, he said the drops weren’t lowering the pressure very much.

Mrs. P, I’m afraid I have to strongly suggest having surgery for the glaucoma. We can do a combined Glaucoma/Cataract surgery so you only have to do it one time.
I’m not having surgery at my age. I’m 87 years old.
Mrs. P, I have 4 patients who are over 100 and very thankful to be able to see clearly again.
I don’t care! I’m not having surgery!
Ok, Mrs. P, I’ll honor your wishes. I’m going to add 2 more eye drop medicines to your routine and see if those help to get your pressure down. But, if they don’t help, then I will press for surgery.
I’m not having surgery. Period.
Well, I will still press for it.

((Yeh. Good luck with that Doc!))

Tearing My Hair Out!

Mom’s been doing good since she got on the eye drop therapy for her glaucoma. The drug plan she joined costs her $25.00 per month and the co-pay for the eye drops costs her $35.00 per month. Without this coverage, her drops would cost $190.00 per month!!!!
She was happy with this arrangement until she got her current bill.

Since she didn’t sign up for drug coverage when she first got on Medicare, she has to pay a penalty for that. The penalty is an extra $13.00 per month on her drug plan which ups the total monthly payment to $38.00. She threw a bit of a hissy fit when this happened but Sis J and I talked her down and she finally agreed that $38.00 per month was still way cheaper than $190.00.

Well, this current bill charged her the $13.00 each for January, February, and March all in one bill which brought the total to $64.00. Oh my God! She just blew! She cussed up a storm declaring she was NOT going to pay that bill. I explained to her that they were catching up on the penalty fees from the last 2 months plus this one that is due in March, then after that it will go back to the $38.00.

I am not paying it! I’m sick to death of all these bills! To hell with it! I’m dropping the whole thing.
Mom, you can’t drop the whole thing or you’ll get penalized for that, too!
Why are they charging me a penalty anyway?
Medicare is charging you the penalty because you didn’t sign up for drug care when you first signed up for Medicare years ago.
I didn’t need drugs then! Why would I sign up for it then?
Mom, I agree with you there. If it was me and I didn’t need any drugs, I’d probably not sign up for it either. But, the reality is--this is Medicare’s rule and there is nothing you can do about it.
Yes there is something I can do about it--I’ll stop this whole drug plan. I won’t pay the bill. What can they do to me?
Mom, you have to keep the plan. Those eye drops cost $190.00 for a month’s prescription and you can’t afford that!
I’ll make myself afford it! I won’t put up with this crap!
Mom, if you can make yourself afford $190.00 then why can’t you simply make yourself afford the $64.00 for now, then the $38.00 from now on. I don’t get your logic.

She got quiet after that. When Sis J came over later, I recounted the conversation with Mom and she told her the same thing I told her.
It’s all a bunch of shit but I guess I have no choice in the matter.

Mom has an appointment this coming Monday to have her eyes checked to see if the drops are helping her eye pressure. I sure hope they are! If they’re not and Doc says she has to have surgery we will have an even bigger blow-up on our hands!

I have to go pick up the clumps of my hair from the floor now............

Back To Normal

Brother D left 2 weeks ago to start his new truck-driving job. Yay!

Mom and I have certainly been enjoying the peace and quiet, and getting our schedule back to where it was. She is calmer, sleeping better, and eating good again. I feel much more relaxed but am still dealing with the IBS though it has lessened somewhat. It takes time for my body to get back to normal (whatever that is).

However, the week after D left, he called and asked Mom for money to get through until his first paycheck. She had Sis go to Western Union and wire it right away (I didn’t know where it was).
This made me so angry! Mom lives on Social Security--only--with very little savings put back. She can’t afford to be giving money to him when he had $700 while he was here for 5 weeks and blew nearly all of it on alcohol!

Mom bought the groceries for all of us to eat on and he is a BIG eater! He bought his cigarettes and alcohol only--nothing else. He smokes very little so that was a lot of money spent on booze! I was angry at Mom for giving him her hard-earned money! She was angry for having to do it.

Mom, I wouldn’t have given it to him!
I had to! He doesn’t have any left!
Too bad, he should have thought of that while he was here and saved his money.
Well, he sat here drinking for over a month and did nothing else around here but he’s my son. I have to help him out.
Mom, he is a 50-year-old grown man capable of taking care of himself. You could have told him you couldn’t afford to send him any money and he’d have to fend for himself. I bet he’d never do it again!
That wouldn’t work, he’s always been like this! I have to help him!
He’s always been like this because you’ve always helped him. If you’d let him suffer--just once--he’d learn to be more careful with his money.

In reality, would he? I doubt it. Alcoholics have only that next drink on their mind. They have no sense of responsibility to themselves or others. Lots of experience in that area!!

Goody Update: The first 3 days D was gone, Goody would go into his room looking for him or lay in front of his bedroom doorway as if she was waiting for him. She’s now back to her normal routine also and she sleeping with Mom again like she used to do.

Crappy Digital Tv Reception!

I hate, hate, HATE digital tv reception! Constantly having to jump up and move the antenna, turn the antenna, turn the dial on the antenna. Losing track of our shows because of interrupted reception, listening to the ‘spitting’ of the sound and the picture freezing and breaking up.

Ok, got that off my chest!

But, really, why did they have to do this to us? To make more money for the cable companies? That’s the way I see it because the reception is so poor, you have to sign up for cable in order to watch anything all the way through! Unfortunately, we live in a rural area where there is no cable plus we couldn’t afford it anyway.

We bought Mom a new larger TV because my little one was too small for her (her old one had gone on the blink soon after I came out here and we‘ve been using mine), we got it all hooked up and ran through the programming process, plugged in the antenna and we couldn’t hardly get anything plus every time we turned off the TV, we would lose all but a few channels and have to go through the whole programming process again.

After a week of frustration, I called TV Support for the brand of TV we had. I could hardly understand his foreign accent but he managed to walk me through the programming steps to make sure I hadn’t skipped any of them--I hadn’t. Then I told him about the crappy antenna reception. This was his answer: “Ma’am, you need to buy a newer antenna.” I told him we just bought this one 3 months ago. He said, “You need a newer one. You see, the newer ones have longer prongs and reach deeper into the TV to pull in better reception.”

I said, “Are you serious?” His reply was, “Yes, you need a new antenna.” Hmmmm....I started to laugh, thanked him for his help--which was nil--and hung up. I did a little research on antenna connectors only to find that they are all the same length.

The TV finally recognized the programming, after 3 more tries, so we have no more problems with that issue.  We are still laughing about needing a longer-pronged antenna.......jeez! Don’t you love Tech Support?

Brother D update: He is supposed to start a new job this coming Monday. I’m on edge until he actually starts. I’m so afraid something will fall through. I won’t settle down until I know he is back out on the road again.

Brotherly Loathe

Three days before Christmas, Sis and I were wrapping gifts to put under our little tree. We were looking forward to the holiday as it would be the first time in 20 years that we’d all be together--a time for rejoicing. Brother D was still out on the road driving for Arrow Trucking, the company he worked for, but would be home for a few days the following week.

Later that afternoon, we heard D’s semi-truck pull into the driveway. What?? Maybe he was surprising us because it certainly was! He came in, sat down, and proceeded to tell us he’d lost his job. Mom’s first statement was “They finally caught you, huh? You were drinking while driving!”
D ignored her remark then told us that the company had shut down--closed it’s doors with no notice until today. All of the truckers got the message via their truck computers...’Go to the nearest dealer and turn in your trucks and go home. We are no longer operating.’

As the weeks have gone by, it’s become quite the nightmare for D and for us. It turns out that many drivers were stranded all over the States with no way to get home. Many tried to drive home in their trucks only to run out of gas and find out the company gas cards were cut off. The federal government has charges against Arrow Trucking for racketeering and many other charges. The owners of the company are no where to be found. Two weeks of pay wasn’t given to the drivers, they can’t get to their 401K accounts due to no paperwork forthcoming from Arrow, many are finding it hard to get new jobs with other companies because of no work history files for them to check. Of course, D is devastated and we feel really bad for him.

But! He is handling his problems with alcohol. D has been an alcoholic all of his adult life just as our Dad was before his death last year. D starts drinking in the morning, rarely eats any meals, and is totally wasted by nightfall. He sits in his room, playing video games and yelling and cussing at the game all day long. When Mom and I go to bed, he is still in there until nearly midnight and he could care less that we are trying to sleep.

One night, I’d had enough and I went into his room and stated very calmly and quietly “D! We’re trying to rest!” He said ‘Oh, sorry’ (as if he didn’t know that--- both of us had told him goodnight when we went to bed). Then I said, “Can you not play that game without all of the cussing and yelling?” Then walked out closing the door. He had no reply. At least, I didn’t scream at him like I really wanted to do. He did quiet down and has been quiet each night since then.

Previously, Mom wouldn’t let me say anything to him because she didn’t want a big argument and more tension. But, I had enough and couldn’t hold back. While it affects my mother’s health and well-being I feel the need to put a stop to it. This is HER house and HER needs come first but, alas, she is the one stopping from acting on this issue.
Since I’d finally spoken up and all stayed calm, Mom now asks me to say things to D that she’s afraid to say such as “You need to eat something before hitting that bottle.” “You aren’t going to sit here drinking all day, start finding a job.” “You need to be quiet when we go to bed, we need our rest.” And so on. As long as I stay calm and speak quietly, he doesn’t take it as a threat and he complies with my requests.

This is very hard on both Mom and me. We both lived with abusive alcoholics and when each of us left our husbands, we had vowed to never live with another alcoholic. Well, this our brother/son and we are at a loss on how to deal with his behavior. Mom is reacting by not getting her sleep at night due to worrying about him hence she is taking several naps a day to make up for it instead of just one afternoon nap, her appetite is low, and she’s nervous a lot.

I’m reacting the same way I did when I was married--very stressed and tense which has kicked in IBS and an old ulcer recurring after many, many years of not having either problem. I feel so enraged inside at the unfairness of having to live with this kind of behavior again. I very much want to throw him out but Mom says, “He’s my little boy. I can’t do that to him.”

So, I take my ulcer and IBS medicines,  try to stay calm, and pray he finds work soon---please VERY soon!
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Goody Update: What’s weird is that Goody just loves D!  She has never wanted to play with me or Mom or any toys. Very lazy, fat, old cat. But, with D, she is playful and he loves playing with her. She must have been a man’s cat before she was dumped on the streets.

She sleeps with Mom every night now. She used to sleep with me so I don’t know why she changed her habit. Maybe she’s watching over Mom--??

To Give is to Receive

The past month, Mom kept bringing up the fact that she had so many pretty coats and dresses, etc. that were taking up space in the closet and she hadn’t worn them in years. She wanted to sell them in a garage sale. Sis and I told her it wasn’t feasible to have a garage sale as we live out in the country and would get very few people stopping by. We told her we’d be glad to take them and donate them to the Salvation Army.

“No way! I’m not giving my pretty clothes to some one who doesn’t deserve them! You know how those Salvation Army stores are. They sell to anybody and some drunken, drugged up woman will get them.”

“Mom, the Salvation Army store is for the poor so they can buy clothes they need at very cheap prices. There are many poor people who need them.”

“No, that’s what they say but it doesn’t really happen that way. The slobs of society buy there the most.”

Sis and I decided to close that subject before we let out our anger at Mom’s words. Mom is very prejudiced and believed her clothes wouldn’t go to the ’right’ people. A couple weeks ago, I called the local women’s shelter and asked if they accepted donations of clothing. The woman I talked to was thrilled. She said they get so few donations as most people donate to Salvation Army, Goodwill and the more well-known places like that. She told me the address of the drop-off place where we could take the clothes and thanked me for thinking of them.

Sis dug into her closet and bagged up 6 large trash bags full of clothing and shoes. They filled the back seat of my car. I had very little to donate as I'd sold/donated everything before I'd moved here. We went into the house and talked to Mom about donating her items and she liked the idea of donating to the women’s shelter. She deemed them ‘worthy’ of the clothing. She went through her closets, drawers, and boxes of stored clothing, shoes, and purses. We bagged and boxed all of it and took it out to the car. Mom’s items filled the trunk and the back floor of the car. Sis held onto 2 boxes in her lap for the trip to the drop-off.

We arrived to the drop-off and was greeted by a lovely woman who was so excited to see us. I opened the trunk and the back doors of the car and her eyes grew huge in the wondrous sight before her! She was ecstatic and stated they had never received such a generous donation before. This donation would clothe many, many women in their time of need. Mom’s dressy items would be wonderful for some woman trying to find a job. She would look very nice for an interview.

She hugged us profusely and had the most wonderful smile on her face and a few tears in her eyes. We drove off with tears in our eyes. What a wonderful feeling!

Please donate what you can to those in need. You’ll give someone something that is badly needed and you will receive such gratitude. It will make your heart full.

Waste Not--Want Not

Thanksgiving was a hectic yet wonderful family day as I hope everyone’s was. It was the first Thanksgiving I’d celebrated with my family in years. I was always working at the retirement home and I worked the holidays so I could be with the residents. Hence, I haven’t cooked a big meal in a long, long time. Brother N did a lot of the cooking with me. I was totally exhausted by the time it was all over.

When it came time to clean up the kitchen and divide up all the leftovers, the guys went into the living room and watched football--of course--and Sis, Mom, and I started in. Sis divided up the side dishes and I divided up the meats and desserts.  We removed the foil off of the meats and other dishes that we put it over to keep food warm and laid it aside.

Sis glanced over to see Mom at the sink washing off all the used foil. She was washing it to re-use it! Sis told her that was not necessary, foil is cheap and to just throw it away! Mom wouldn’t hear of it so we just left her alone and let her wash the foil.

I got out the box of plastic storage bags to divide some dinner rolls into and found several used bags stuffed into the top of the box. Some of them still had old dried food particles in them. Sis and I looked at each other in horror! Jeez, Mom could get food poisoning using these! I had never noticed it in the time I’d been here. We went through the cabinet and found used foil folded up and found old food particles on some of those.

Right then, Mom was trying to find a small bowl to put the leftover corn in--all 2 tablespoons of it. We told her to just throw it away, it wasn’t enough for anyone for a meal. She threw a fit saying she wasn’t gonna do it. So, instead, she ate the rest of the corn which was fine. I scraped the leftover mashed potatoes into a storage bowl except for the burned bits that stuck to the bottom of the pan. I tool the pan over to the trashcan to scrape it in there and Mom got in an uproar again. I just acted like I didn’t hear her.

Next thing we know, Mom is washing the Chinet paper plates we’d eaten on! That did it! Sis threw her hands up in the air and took Mom into the living room and gave her a puzzle book to work on. We had to get her out of the kitchen so we could go through everything and see what else she was hoarding.

We didn’t find anything and we threw away the ‘washed’ foil (still having food particles on them), we threw away all plastic storage bags that had been used, then we cleaned out the fridge of food she’d kept in there for 2 weeks. I knew the food had been in there and every time I’d try to throw it out, Mom would fight with me. So everyday I would take out the food and smell it to see if it was still good hopefully to keep Mom from being poisoned. Sis and I took this opportunity to get rid of everything. We made sure family members got the majority of the Thanksgiving leftovers. If it was too much for us, Mom would have had us eating it for a month or until it spoiled--whichever came first.

Now I make it a daily habit to check the food, the foil/storage bags, and the paper plates. I throw them away when I find any that have been used. Mom hasn’t missed any of it so far!

The Incredible INedible Egg!

I love eggs. Mom used to love eggs, but not anymore. All of a sudden, she has an aversion to them.

A while back, she was going to cook an egg for breakfast. She cracked open the egg into the skillet, then I heard a little shriek! I went to the kitchen to see what was wrong.

“What’s the matter with this egg?”

“I don’t know, Mom, what’s the matter with it?”

“That goop! Can’t you see that goop on the egg?”

“Goop? What goop are you talking about?”

“THAT goop--right there!” She pointed to the ‘goop’ on the egg.

“Mom, that’s just part of the egg, it’s always there.”

“No, it’s not! It’s never been on any of my eggs before! What have those egg people done to my eggs? They’re injecting them with something, this isn’t right at all! They‘ve ruined my eggs!”

“Mom, I think it’s always been a part of the egg. I don’t think anyone would take the time to inject each and every egg at the egg factory. That would take forever.”

“Well! Apparently somebody has a lot of time on their hands then! I’m not eating this!”

“Mom! It’s not going to hurt you! It’s part of the egg!”

Mom proceeds to take a fork and try to pull the ‘goop’ off of the egg.
“Well crap! Now it broke the yolk! I’m not eating an egg with a broken yolk!”

“Mom, how about if I scramble it for you.”

“What? No way! It’ll mix that goop all through it then! Forget it, I’ll throw it away and try another one, maybe it‘s just this one!”

Mom throws away the broken egg and cracks open another one.
“What’s the matter with this egg?”

“Mom, that’s just part of the egg, it’s always there.”

“Dammit! I’ll never eat another egg again!”

Oh God! My eyes hurt from doing this so much  > > 

Goody, Goody For Me!

Sis has about a dozen stray cats that come to her house every morning and evening to eat. She buys the food then pours it into containers around the yard for the strays. The strays know when it’s time to eat and no matter where they are they manage to get to Sis’ house on time for their meals. She has such a big heart for cats and has several of her own indoor cats she cares for also.

Soon after I moved here to Mom’s I noticed a big ol’  gray tiger striped cat wandering around the area. One day, I pointed it out to Sis. She said “Oh, that’s Good Kitty.” I thought the cat was one of the many strays, which she gives names to,  and thought nothing more of it.

As time went by, some of the strays got to know me and would hang out on our porch sleeping in the sun. Good Kitty was one of them. I’d always go out and pet them and talk to them. Good Kitty was always the last one to leave at the end of the day.

Two weeks ago, we had a cold spell with gusting Texas winds and temps in the 40’s. I felt so bad for the strays but most would get under the mobile homes and stay warm that way. However, Good Kitty would hang out by the window and look in. She looked so sad and lost. One evening, Sis came over to visit and Good Kitty came in with her!

Mom was not happy about that! She wanted Sis to take the cat outside. Sis asked her “Why? It’s not hurting anything.” The cat was laying on the floor in front of the couch. Mom insisted she was not going to have another cat, they got into things, jumped up on things, and were dangerous being around her legs. Sis said “Mom, this would be the perfect cat for you. It’s fixed and de-clawed and is much older. It wouldn’t be getting in the way at all.” I said “What? It’s fixed and de-clawed? I thought it was a stray!”

Well, it turns out that the cat had a family who lived a few doors down for several years. They moved out at the beginning of summer and left the cat there! I don’t get that!!! How does someone have a cat for years, have it fixed and de-clawed--which costs a considerable amount of money--and then just leave it behind?

Now, I felt totally different about the cat. This cat had been an indoor cat since it was a kitten and had to spend the summer wandering the neighborhood with no defense against other animals. I felt so bad for the poor cat. It looked to be at least 5 years old if not older. I joined in with Sis trying to convince Mom to let us keep him. She emphatically said ‘No’.

Too make a long story short--it took another week to finally convince Mom to let us keep the cat. Sis would bring it in with her during her daily visits and Mom slowly got used to it and saw that the cat wasn’t going to be any trouble. I went to the store one day and when I returned Sis told me that Mom finally relented and said I could have it. I was so pleased! I hugged Mom and thanked her and I thanked Sis because she was the one that finally convinced Mom.

Sis gave me the supplies I needed and the cat became one of the family that night. I checked her over real good, found out ‘it’ was a she, detected no fleas on her, and discovered she had ear mites. I’ve treated her for the ear mites so she is fine now. She is very good since she is so fat and lazy. Typical ol’ cat--she eats, sleeps, walks around for maybe 5 minutes, sleeps, gets up and walks around for 2 minutes, sleeps--you get the idea!

She’s become accustomed to being outside for so many months that she wants out every morning, after eating, but she stays close by and comes back in during the afternoon and stays in then. She sleeps at the foot of my bed every night. Mom enjoys watching her and she pets on her and coos over her. She is a great cat for us.

I call her ‘Goody’.    Goody, goody for her--Goody, goody for me!!

A Poem about Alzheimers'

I want to take the opportunity to introduce you to a poetress I have met recently. I have used two of her poems on my 3B Digital Art site.

She sent me the link to this poem she wrote about Alzheimer's Disease and I wanted to share it with all of you....

A LIFE SUSPENDED

In and out they seem to fade
I'm gazing at a faded page;
I reach for faces,
They become currents before me
In the river of my memories,
Then surface clearly,
The sunlight's rays sparkling
On their smiles;

I am a child once again,
Lost
Where is my home?
Just beyond my grasp
There it is!
Somewhere..

Apple pie I smell,
It's sweet aroma of cinnamon
Filling my nostrils;
Laughter I hear,
Is it my own
My children's
Is it of times gone by?

I am within a kaleidoscope
Pieces of colored glass;
Who turns the wheel?
Ever changing in my vision,

Be patient with me
I am the same within,
Though expression wans,

I remember,
I remember
Yes,
I remember
Love.

Nancy Ellen Crossland
6/19/2009
**Dedicated to the victims of Alzheimer's and their loved ones

Outrageous Drug Prices!

I am appalled at the high cost of drug prices! Mom went for her cataract evaluation and found out not only does she have cataracts in both eyes, she also has glaucoma! She is not showing any symptoms yet so she swore the doc was wrong. It took him, Sis, and me to explain to her that the symptoms won’t show up until it gets worse and too late to do anything about it. She needed to ‘nip it in the bud’ starting now. So, she finally relented and agreed to treatment. Doc called in a prescription for glaucoma eye drops and all was well.

So we thought!

Before going to the pharmacy, I called for the price so Mom would know how much to write the check for so I could pick it up. The eye drops cost $190!! For a one month supply! What!!!???? There was no way she could afford that every month over her lifetime (that’s how long she’ll have to use them), no way anyone in her income bracket could afford that! She is on Social Security and only has Medicare Part A and Part B. She has no prescription coverage at all.

When Mom originally signed up for Medicare, it wasn’t explained very well to her so she didn’t know about the prescription coverage. She has to wait until her birthday--February--before she can make changes on her plan. So, she’s stuck with what she has for now.

Mom said she was not going to do the treatment due to the high cost and I agreed with her. I said I’d see what else could be done.

I got on Wal Mart’s website and looked up their $4.00 prescription plan. There was a list of a dozen different glaucoma eye drops available for $4.00 per month or $10.00 for 3 months. I emailed the doc with the information asking him if she could use one of the cheaper drops. He said she could although those eye drops were less effective, she would have to use them twice per day rather than once. I said that was fine. So, I picked up the order at Wal Mart and all is fine now.

It just enrages me that the drug companies make these wonderful drugs for all kinds of diseases but have them priced so high that many cannot afford them! Where’s the heart in that? It just tells me the companies are in it for the profits and not for the care of a patient. I have a dear friend with severe osteoarthritis pain and there is a wonderful drug available for treatment. It costs $1,000 per month! As that is not affordable for her, she must suffer needlessly!

Outrageous!!

Baby It's Cold Outside

Well, it was until today. Now, it’s a very warm 80 degrees and sunny--I love it!

But, for the past 5 days, it’s been down to the 40’s at night and low 60’s during the day. On the first cold morning, I got up literally shivering. I had on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I threw on a sweater, fuzzy footies and a pair of slippers. I went over to the thermostat which read 68 degrees.

Now, to many of you, that would normally be quite comfy. But, it’s not normal in this house! This little mobile home was built in 1970. It has very poor insulation. The windows are not glass except for 2 of them, the rest are Plexiglas. As one became broken it became replaced with cheaper Plexiglas. The high, cold Texas wind blows through every crack and crevice. I had my windows closed tight and my curtains were literally blowing in the wind!

I immediately cranked up the heat to 74 degrees and got my clear plastic tape and taped around all of my windows and found that did the trick. I then went around the house and taped up every gap and air leak I could find. It helped but it was still very drafty in here.

Mom got up and came out fully dressed right down to her shoes. She put on a sweater and sat in her chair. Then she threw a blanket over her legs. I told her I’d turned up the heat but it was too soon to make a difference yet. She said “Oh no, don’t do that! It’ll run up the gas bill!” Her gas bill averages $60 a month in the winter because of her habit of staying bundled up and wrapped in a blanket. She said I should do the same! Ummmm--No!

I told her I was not going to bundle up like an Eskimo, there was no reason for it. “Mom, you have the use of this wonderful invention called a furnace. It is capable of keeping you warm while wearing comfy clothes around the house.” She kept on about the cost--a cost she could well afford. I told her everyone else’s gas bill was double that and more and she has done very well keeping her cost down and should be proud of that. I told her I would check into the possibility of the gas company having a budget plan (it does) and we’d get signed up for it. She liked that idea, she’d never heard of it before.

So, she turned up the heat to 78 degrees. Once the house warmed up, she took off the blanket and her shoes, which she replaced with light slippers, and was much more comfortable. I told Sis about it when I saw her. She said she and my brothers argued with her every year about this same subject. They’d come over to visit and it would be almost frosty in here and Mom would be all wrapped up in blankets. Or she’d be running 2 electric heaters and have her electric blanket on. Well, that could pose a fire hazard and runs up the electric bill so it was a no-win situation there, but she didn’t see it that way.

So, we’ll see if she continues to be so agreeable throughout the rest of the season.

On another note, I had lunch 2 Sundays ago with my new found big sis, TJ. We ate and visited for 3 hours! It was a real trip down memory lane for both of us. We told each other of our past, growing up--our marriages--having children, etc.  We have many personality traits that are the same and have many likes and dislikes in common. I hope to see her again real soon. We have lots more to learn about each other.

I gotta go turn on the air conditioning. ‘Til next time..........

A Blast From The Past!!

During the end of World War II  Mom had served 2 years in the WAAC (Women’s Army Air Corps) as an airplane dispatcher. During that time she had met a tall, dark, and handsome Italian and had an affair. When they were discharged, each went their separate ways--he back to California, she back to Small Town Indiana.

Soon after arriving home, she discovered she was pregnant. Oh my! This was unacceptable back in those days--unmarried and pregnant! Oh no! She lived quietly and kept to herself until she gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Within the first few months of the baby’s life, Mom adopted her out to a preacher and his wife. She went on with her life comforted with the knowledge that her baby would be well taken care of.

Jump to 1964---I am 14 years old and was in our basement searching for whatever a nosy teenager might search for. Underneath a hanging clothing bag I discovered a small black trunk--what’s this? I opened the trunk. There, inside a shirt box, was a baby’s white christening dress and a pair of white satin baby slippers. I thought to myself “I wonder if these were mine?” Beneath the shirt box was a shoe box tied with a string. I slipped off the string, took off the lid and found old letters from a man named G. The letters were to my mother.

I poured over those letters and discovered my mother’s ‘checkered’ past. She and G had exchanged letters for a few months after their discharge from the service. Mom had written to him about a baby named TJ and he didn’t seem interested in being a father or a husband and told her to do whatever she thought best. So, I gathered, from all of this information, that the gown and slippers were TJ’s. Further down in the trunk were a few pictures of a beautiful baby girl with dark hair and dark eyes. On the back of one photo was her birth name, birth date, and the name of the couple who adopted her. I was ecstatic with this discovery! I’ve got an older sister somewhere! Lots of questions came to mind and I felt so frustrated because I knew I couldn’t confront my mother with it. During my teen years, she was a very strict, cold woman and these things simply weren’t talked about.

I put everything back exactly as I found it. I was tormented by this knowledge for many years. I was only able to talk about it with my younger sister who was as enthralled with this mystery as I was. Where was TJ? What was she like now? Was she ever told about her birth mother? My mission was to find the answers to these questions. I vowed that one day I would.

Jump to 1969---I’m 19 years old and pregnant, unmarried with my first daughter. Her father was younger than I and his parents wouldn’t give permission for him to marry. My mother was appalled! This was not acceptable! I would have to give up the baby for adoption! She was angry, irate and not understanding whatsoever! She blurted out what had happened to her when she was pregnant with TJ. I told her I had found the trunk years ago and had always wondered about the baby and how to find her. She was stunned! She calmed down and we talked about her past. I told her I wasn’t going to follow in her footsteps. I was going to keep this baby. She became very quiet as she digested this statement and finally gave up and accepted the fact that I was going to do this--with or without her.

I was never really able to do anything with the facts I’d learned about TJ. Over the years, I’d tried to look up information at the library and through old phone books. I was trying to find her adopted parents but, over time, my memory of the facts became skewed and I didn’t have the right name anymore. I was very frustrated because of this and Mom wasn’t any help. She wouldn’t talk about it anymore. The trunk had been lost, somehow, over the years so I couldn’t look up the info in there either!

The years went by and, in 2001, I was introduced to the world of computers. there was a wealth of information out there in cyberspace. Once I had mastered the workings of the internet, I resumed my search for TJ. I tried, on and off, for the next several years. Four years ago, I posted on Ancestry.com. I typed in all of the pertinent information but all I could find was her birth date and it was under a different name. I wasn’t sure if the info was correct or not. A few phone calls and emails led to a dead end. I gave up and forgot about it for a long time.

3 weeks ago, just before going to bed, I received a message from Ancestry.com that I had a new reply to my post. At first, I had no idea what that post would be about--I’d forgotten. I got on the site and pulled up the message.

“I'm pretty sure I have the right person.  My daughter found your post on ancestry.com last night looking for TJ and has spent the whole day searching for you.  She found your web sites and various other info--Google is her new best friend!  Now all that is left to do is to actually contact each other.  I'm scared and excited all at the same time.  My name is ---------.   Looking forward to receiving a reply.  If you are not Barbara ------- from -----------, I will be sorely disappointed, but please reply anyway to let me know either way.
 Hopefully your sister,
TJ”

I was stunned. I started shaking. I kept repeating ‘oh my god’ over and over again. I simply could not believe it! Yet I knew, at the same time, that this was true--this was real!! I fired off a reply and went to bed knowing it could take a while before she read and replied to the message. When I got up the next morning, the reply was there. I answered and gave her my email address and she emailed me soon after.

How do I tell Mom about this wonderful discovery? I was very nervous to bring it up to her. How would she feel? How would she react? Would this upset her or make her happy. I talked to sis about it first and we agreed this wasn’t something we could keep from her--the truth had to be told.

Surprisingly, she was very calm about it! She said she knew her past would catch up with her one day and TJ would try to find her. I told her about my search for TJ over the years and she was surprised at that revelation, also, but was accepting of it. Over the past 3 weeks, TJ and I have exchanged many, many emails and, each time, I printed them out for Mom to read and she was so happy! We found out TJ had 2 children--a girl and a boy--and Mom would say “I have 2 more grandchildren!”

The BIG surprise was that they all lived right here, for many years! Right here in our West Texas town!! That close and none of us ever knew! Amazing, simply amazing!!

This past Sunday, TJ and her daughter came to visit for the afternoon (her son was out of town at the time). It was a wonderful, happy reunion and one of many, hopefully, to come! The funniest remark was made by Mom after they’d left. “Well, she didn’t look like the TJ that I remember!”  Ummm Mom...it’s been 63 years, she was a baby -- she’s not going to look the same!! Hahaha!!

I will keep you all apprised of future happenings with our newfound family members! We are all so happy and, sometimes, it still doesn’t seem real!! Yeh, what a ‘blast from the past’ it’s been!

Mom--Ya Gotta Love Her!

My mama may have a few little idiosyncrasies but she’s so damn cute--without even trying!

Some of the funny faces she makes, when playing cards, is hilarious to watch. It’s all Sis and I can do to keep from busting out laughing!

She wears the cutest little capri pants and short-sleeve blouses that look just darling on her and her white hair is so thin but she wears it in the cutest short style that she cuts by herself!

Her sense of humor is nearly non-existent and she does not show or say ‘I love you’ unless we show it or say it first but she is very kind and very generous. She spoils all of us kids. A lot of times, we have to tell her “NO” or she’d spend all of her monthly check on  us! We have to make her put some in savings each month or she’d have nothing! This from a woman who used to be the greatest penny pincher/miser ever!

Mom has no dementia whatsoever--she is very with it! She will get confused if too much is going on at once but, hell,  I do that! Her memory amazes me! I have to ask her where things are or where I put this or that! Maybe I better start worrying about my own mental capacities! (However, I just chalk it up to menopausal mania!) 

I do wish I could find more lone activities for her to do. She reads a novel or does puzzle books on and off all day but mostly wants me to play card games with her! I love to play these games but not 10-15 times a day! I’m slowly getting burnt out on them.

Yeh, Mom has her kooky ways and odd ways of showing her love for us but--Ya gotta love her!

We do!!

That’s Not Funny!

Mom has little or no sense of humor!
When Sis and I are playing cards with her we’re joking with each other about each play we make or telling funny happenings of our day and cracking up about it. Mom just listens with a straight face or ignores us altogether.
We’ll be watching a situation comedy on tv, or a comedy movie, and laughing our butts off and she’ll say “Well, that’s just silly (or stupid). I don’t see anything funny about it at all. (OR–)that doesn’t happen in real life!”
Jeez Mom! Lighten up!!
My brother loves to tease us or pull practical jokes on us and all of us kids will have a great laugh about it. Mom just rolls her eyes or turns to her puzzle books and ignores us.
What makes someone be like that? I can’t imagine not laughing at least a few times every day! It keeps my spirits up and I enjoy having fun–even if it’s just corny, silly fun.
But, we all accept it–that’s our Mom–and have our fun without her. Just once, though, it would be nice to have her join us in the laughter.

Incense Hazards (plus Labor Day Weekend)

Mom and I both had developed a mild cough over the past week or so and today I discovered the possible cause. About a month ago, I was over to Sis’s and her house smelled wonderful! She burns vanilla-scented incense all day and it was heavenly! I told Mom about it and she said to get some when I went to the store. So, I did just that.
I noticed last week that she had been coughing and she said she never has a cough. I realized I was coughing quite a bit, too. This morning neither one of us was coughing, then I lit the incense and about a half hour later we were both coughing. Curious, I searched online about incense and coughing and discovered it could be the cause of the coughing. It turns out that incense burns 45% carbon into the air as opposed to the 10% from cigarette smoke! Wow! That’s quite a bit!! So, we decided to go without the incense for a week and see if it really is the cause of our coughing.
I’ll try to remember to give ya’ll an update on that.
We had a wonderful Labor Day weekend! Brother D, the truck driver, was here for 4 days and Sis J and her fella, M, and brother N came over here for Saturday dinner. I bought 2 large chuck roasts and made a huge pot of roast beef with boiled potatoes and carrots and green beans plus biscuits. By the time the meal was over there was a small wedge of roast left and that was about it! Mom and I are going to shred it for roast beef sandwiches this week–yum!!
Sis and I hung out with Mom most of the time. Brother N finished building the porch and porch roof onto the side of the mobile home. He finished the ramp for Mom except for putting the non-skid outdoor carpet on it, that gets finished next weekend. She’s thrilled with it! Sis and I went to WalMart and bought her a set of deck chairs–waterproof–and a small table to set between them and we sure enjoyed the evening sitting out there together after it cooled off! Brother D spent most of the time playing his video games and drinking beer. I swear he’s 51 going on 12! (Well, except for the beer–haha!!)
Hope all of you had a great weekend, too!

Don’t Wanna Be Left Out!

Well, here’s a dilemma! Before I moved here to help care for Mom, Sis always bought her groceries for her. Mom had Sis’ name added to her checking account so Sis could write a check for them. When I arrived, Sis was relieved because Mom’s grocery needs were sometimes things that Sis was not familiar with (she is not a cook by any means) and it frustrated her to no end to shop for Mom. So, I told Mom I could get our groceries from now on. She asked how she was going to write a check when the store wouldn’t let me sign for it without my name on it. I explained to her that I could get the groceries with my bank card, then she could write me a check to pay me back–simple! For some reason, Mom wasn’t issued a bank card when she joined the bank 30 years ago and they haven’t issued her one even though they are available now. Anyway, Mom agreed to do it that way.
The next grocery day, she changed her mind. She said she didn’t want Sis to feel left out–like I was ‘taking over’ for her– so Mom decided to divide the grocery list between the 2 of us! Sis and I are both rolling our eyes at this but Sis doesn’t want to hurt Mom’s feelings by telling her she didn’t want to get the groceries anymore and was happy to have me do it. So, we both go to the store together and get what’s on our individual lists (actually I compile both lists into one and we get them all) then Sis pays for them with Mom’s check.
This is crazy!! Why should both of us have to go when I can do it myself?? Sis is frustrated and I’m just annoyed. But Mom insists we do it together so neither of us feel ‘left out’.
When Brother is here he wants to sleep in his sleep cab in his semi truck which he parks in the drive—that’s home to him and all of his ‘stuff’ is in there but Mom insists he pull out the sofa-bed and sleep in here because she doesn’t want him to sleep in the truck and feel ‘left out’!! So, he gets frustrated and argues with her and usually wins and sleeps in the truck. Now, she’s upset because she thinks he won’t sleep in here because the sofa-bed is uncomfortable so she wants to buy a new on and Brother tells her “No, you don’t need a new one.” And on and on it goes!
Sis eats many of her evening meals at my other brother’s house across the street. Mom asked her to have dinner with us one night, then changed her mind because she was afraid other Brother would feel ‘left out’ and have to eat alone. True, he could have come to eat with us also but when he gets home from work he doesn’t feel like getting back out again to come here.
What in the world is all this “feel left out” business about? None of us have any idea! Our eyeballs are starting to hurt from all of the eye-rolling!