To Give is to Receive

The past month, Mom kept bringing up the fact that she had so many pretty coats and dresses, etc. that were taking up space in the closet and she hadn’t worn them in years. She wanted to sell them in a garage sale. Sis and I told her it wasn’t feasible to have a garage sale as we live out in the country and would get very few people stopping by. We told her we’d be glad to take them and donate them to the Salvation Army.

“No way! I’m not giving my pretty clothes to some one who doesn’t deserve them! You know how those Salvation Army stores are. They sell to anybody and some drunken, drugged up woman will get them.”

“Mom, the Salvation Army store is for the poor so they can buy clothes they need at very cheap prices. There are many poor people who need them.”

“No, that’s what they say but it doesn’t really happen that way. The slobs of society buy there the most.”

Sis and I decided to close that subject before we let out our anger at Mom’s words. Mom is very prejudiced and believed her clothes wouldn’t go to the ’right’ people. A couple weeks ago, I called the local women’s shelter and asked if they accepted donations of clothing. The woman I talked to was thrilled. She said they get so few donations as most people donate to Salvation Army, Goodwill and the more well-known places like that. She told me the address of the drop-off place where we could take the clothes and thanked me for thinking of them.

Sis dug into her closet and bagged up 6 large trash bags full of clothing and shoes. They filled the back seat of my car. I had very little to donate as I'd sold/donated everything before I'd moved here. We went into the house and talked to Mom about donating her items and she liked the idea of donating to the women’s shelter. She deemed them ‘worthy’ of the clothing. She went through her closets, drawers, and boxes of stored clothing, shoes, and purses. We bagged and boxed all of it and took it out to the car. Mom’s items filled the trunk and the back floor of the car. Sis held onto 2 boxes in her lap for the trip to the drop-off.

We arrived to the drop-off and was greeted by a lovely woman who was so excited to see us. I opened the trunk and the back doors of the car and her eyes grew huge in the wondrous sight before her! She was ecstatic and stated they had never received such a generous donation before. This donation would clothe many, many women in their time of need. Mom’s dressy items would be wonderful for some woman trying to find a job. She would look very nice for an interview.

She hugged us profusely and had the most wonderful smile on her face and a few tears in her eyes. We drove off with tears in our eyes. What a wonderful feeling!

Please donate what you can to those in need. You’ll give someone something that is badly needed and you will receive such gratitude. It will make your heart full.

Waste Not--Want Not

Thanksgiving was a hectic yet wonderful family day as I hope everyone’s was. It was the first Thanksgiving I’d celebrated with my family in years. I was always working at the retirement home and I worked the holidays so I could be with the residents. Hence, I haven’t cooked a big meal in a long, long time. Brother N did a lot of the cooking with me. I was totally exhausted by the time it was all over.

When it came time to clean up the kitchen and divide up all the leftovers, the guys went into the living room and watched football--of course--and Sis, Mom, and I started in. Sis divided up the side dishes and I divided up the meats and desserts.  We removed the foil off of the meats and other dishes that we put it over to keep food warm and laid it aside.

Sis glanced over to see Mom at the sink washing off all the used foil. She was washing it to re-use it! Sis told her that was not necessary, foil is cheap and to just throw it away! Mom wouldn’t hear of it so we just left her alone and let her wash the foil.

I got out the box of plastic storage bags to divide some dinner rolls into and found several used bags stuffed into the top of the box. Some of them still had old dried food particles in them. Sis and I looked at each other in horror! Jeez, Mom could get food poisoning using these! I had never noticed it in the time I’d been here. We went through the cabinet and found used foil folded up and found old food particles on some of those.

Right then, Mom was trying to find a small bowl to put the leftover corn in--all 2 tablespoons of it. We told her to just throw it away, it wasn’t enough for anyone for a meal. She threw a fit saying she wasn’t gonna do it. So, instead, she ate the rest of the corn which was fine. I scraped the leftover mashed potatoes into a storage bowl except for the burned bits that stuck to the bottom of the pan. I tool the pan over to the trashcan to scrape it in there and Mom got in an uproar again. I just acted like I didn’t hear her.

Next thing we know, Mom is washing the Chinet paper plates we’d eaten on! That did it! Sis threw her hands up in the air and took Mom into the living room and gave her a puzzle book to work on. We had to get her out of the kitchen so we could go through everything and see what else she was hoarding.

We didn’t find anything and we threw away the ‘washed’ foil (still having food particles on them), we threw away all plastic storage bags that had been used, then we cleaned out the fridge of food she’d kept in there for 2 weeks. I knew the food had been in there and every time I’d try to throw it out, Mom would fight with me. So everyday I would take out the food and smell it to see if it was still good hopefully to keep Mom from being poisoned. Sis and I took this opportunity to get rid of everything. We made sure family members got the majority of the Thanksgiving leftovers. If it was too much for us, Mom would have had us eating it for a month or until it spoiled--whichever came first.

Now I make it a daily habit to check the food, the foil/storage bags, and the paper plates. I throw them away when I find any that have been used. Mom hasn’t missed any of it so far!

Mom’s Eye Care Delayed

We’ve had to put a hold on Mom’s glaucoma care. The cheaper eye drops ($4.00 at WalMart) were doing nothing to help the eye pressure. Doc prescribed another medicine and when I called about it I found out the cost was $216.00!! Impossible for Mom to afford. I told Doc this--again--and he said he had no idea how much the drugs cost. They are not informed of that by the drug salespeople. Maybe if they were, they’d realize how ridiculous the drug companies prices are and help us to change things. ---Not!!

Mom threw her hands up in the air and said “Forget it! I’m not having anything done! I’ll just get through it on my own and deal with it when I go blind. When that time comes, you can lead me around by the hand.”

“Ummm no, Mom. I’ll put you in bed with a bell!” Well! She seemed to like that idea and I thought ‘oh no! She’ll drive me nuts with the bell.’ “That’s ok, Mom. I’ll lead you around by the hand.”

Sis and I finally talked her into signing up for the prescription plan through Medicare. It will cost her $26.00 per month and $5.00 per month for her eye drops--the good eye drops. Very affordable. She threw a fit saying she can’t afford that so Sis and I told her we will pay for it and she finally agreed. Her coverage will start the first of the year so we’ll go back to making appointments for her then. She will not have the surgery due to the fact her co-pay would be about $2,000 but at least she’s agreeing to have the eye drop therapy which will be for life. We haven’t even dealt with the subject of her cataracts yet. It was enough of a struggle to get the glaucoma stuff straightened out.

I feel bad for Mom. Her day revolves around doing word puzzle books and reading a lot of fiction books. If she loses her eyesight it will be seriously devastating to her. I think she would just curl up in bed and sleep until her day above comes along. I hope those eye drops do their job!

Goody Update: Goody has a new full name thanks to Nancy (friend and follower). Her name is now ‘Good and Plenty’ after the famous candy! It certainly fits her as she weighs in at 15 pounds!

She has adjusted to our daily routine so she’s up when we are up for the day then spends a good deal of the day outside. She is used to being out there and that’s fine since she stays by the house or in the yard. She does most of her ‘business’ outside which makes it nice for me. I only have to clean out her litter box about every other day. At night, she goes to bed with me and sleeps through the night. She keeps my feet warm. She is a joy and Mom really likes having her around so things are working out really well!

The Incredible INedible Egg!

I love eggs. Mom used to love eggs, but not anymore. All of a sudden, she has an aversion to them.

A while back, she was going to cook an egg for breakfast. She cracked open the egg into the skillet, then I heard a little shriek! I went to the kitchen to see what was wrong.

“What’s the matter with this egg?”

“I don’t know, Mom, what’s the matter with it?”

“That goop! Can’t you see that goop on the egg?”

“Goop? What goop are you talking about?”

“THAT goop--right there!” She pointed to the ‘goop’ on the egg.

“Mom, that’s just part of the egg, it’s always there.”

“No, it’s not! It’s never been on any of my eggs before! What have those egg people done to my eggs? They’re injecting them with something, this isn’t right at all! They‘ve ruined my eggs!”

“Mom, I think it’s always been a part of the egg. I don’t think anyone would take the time to inject each and every egg at the egg factory. That would take forever.”

“Well! Apparently somebody has a lot of time on their hands then! I’m not eating this!”

“Mom! It’s not going to hurt you! It’s part of the egg!”

Mom proceeds to take a fork and try to pull the ‘goop’ off of the egg.
“Well crap! Now it broke the yolk! I’m not eating an egg with a broken yolk!”

“Mom, how about if I scramble it for you.”

“What? No way! It’ll mix that goop all through it then! Forget it, I’ll throw it away and try another one, maybe it‘s just this one!”

Mom throws away the broken egg and cracks open another one.
“What’s the matter with this egg?”

“Mom, that’s just part of the egg, it’s always there.”

“Dammit! I’ll never eat another egg again!”

Oh God! My eyes hurt from doing this so much  > > 

Goody, Goody For Me!

Sis has about a dozen stray cats that come to her house every morning and evening to eat. She buys the food then pours it into containers around the yard for the strays. The strays know when it’s time to eat and no matter where they are they manage to get to Sis’ house on time for their meals. She has such a big heart for cats and has several of her own indoor cats she cares for also.

Soon after I moved here to Mom’s I noticed a big ol’  gray tiger striped cat wandering around the area. One day, I pointed it out to Sis. She said “Oh, that’s Good Kitty.” I thought the cat was one of the many strays, which she gives names to,  and thought nothing more of it.

As time went by, some of the strays got to know me and would hang out on our porch sleeping in the sun. Good Kitty was one of them. I’d always go out and pet them and talk to them. Good Kitty was always the last one to leave at the end of the day.

Two weeks ago, we had a cold spell with gusting Texas winds and temps in the 40’s. I felt so bad for the strays but most would get under the mobile homes and stay warm that way. However, Good Kitty would hang out by the window and look in. She looked so sad and lost. One evening, Sis came over to visit and Good Kitty came in with her!

Mom was not happy about that! She wanted Sis to take the cat outside. Sis asked her “Why? It’s not hurting anything.” The cat was laying on the floor in front of the couch. Mom insisted she was not going to have another cat, they got into things, jumped up on things, and were dangerous being around her legs. Sis said “Mom, this would be the perfect cat for you. It’s fixed and de-clawed and is much older. It wouldn’t be getting in the way at all.” I said “What? It’s fixed and de-clawed? I thought it was a stray!”

Well, it turns out that the cat had a family who lived a few doors down for several years. They moved out at the beginning of summer and left the cat there! I don’t get that!!! How does someone have a cat for years, have it fixed and de-clawed--which costs a considerable amount of money--and then just leave it behind?

Now, I felt totally different about the cat. This cat had been an indoor cat since it was a kitten and had to spend the summer wandering the neighborhood with no defense against other animals. I felt so bad for the poor cat. It looked to be at least 5 years old if not older. I joined in with Sis trying to convince Mom to let us keep him. She emphatically said ‘No’.

Too make a long story short--it took another week to finally convince Mom to let us keep the cat. Sis would bring it in with her during her daily visits and Mom slowly got used to it and saw that the cat wasn’t going to be any trouble. I went to the store one day and when I returned Sis told me that Mom finally relented and said I could have it. I was so pleased! I hugged Mom and thanked her and I thanked Sis because she was the one that finally convinced Mom.

Sis gave me the supplies I needed and the cat became one of the family that night. I checked her over real good, found out ‘it’ was a she, detected no fleas on her, and discovered she had ear mites. I’ve treated her for the ear mites so she is fine now. She is very good since she is so fat and lazy. Typical ol’ cat--she eats, sleeps, walks around for maybe 5 minutes, sleeps, gets up and walks around for 2 minutes, sleeps--you get the idea!

She’s become accustomed to being outside for so many months that she wants out every morning, after eating, but she stays close by and comes back in during the afternoon and stays in then. She sleeps at the foot of my bed every night. Mom enjoys watching her and she pets on her and coos over her. She is a great cat for us.

I call her ‘Goody’.    Goody, goody for her--Goody, goody for me!!

A Poem about Alzheimers'

I want to take the opportunity to introduce you to a poetress I have met recently. I have used two of her poems on my 3B Digital Art site.

She sent me the link to this poem she wrote about Alzheimer's Disease and I wanted to share it with all of you....

A LIFE SUSPENDED

In and out they seem to fade
I'm gazing at a faded page;
I reach for faces,
They become currents before me
In the river of my memories,
Then surface clearly,
The sunlight's rays sparkling
On their smiles;

I am a child once again,
Lost
Where is my home?
Just beyond my grasp
There it is!
Somewhere..

Apple pie I smell,
It's sweet aroma of cinnamon
Filling my nostrils;
Laughter I hear,
Is it my own
My children's
Is it of times gone by?

I am within a kaleidoscope
Pieces of colored glass;
Who turns the wheel?
Ever changing in my vision,

Be patient with me
I am the same within,
Though expression wans,

I remember,
I remember
Yes,
I remember
Love.

Nancy Ellen Crossland
6/19/2009
**Dedicated to the victims of Alzheimer's and their loved ones

Outrageous Drug Prices!

I am appalled at the high cost of drug prices! Mom went for her cataract evaluation and found out not only does she have cataracts in both eyes, she also has glaucoma! She is not showing any symptoms yet so she swore the doc was wrong. It took him, Sis, and me to explain to her that the symptoms won’t show up until it gets worse and too late to do anything about it. She needed to ‘nip it in the bud’ starting now. So, she finally relented and agreed to treatment. Doc called in a prescription for glaucoma eye drops and all was well.

So we thought!

Before going to the pharmacy, I called for the price so Mom would know how much to write the check for so I could pick it up. The eye drops cost $190!! For a one month supply! What!!!???? There was no way she could afford that every month over her lifetime (that’s how long she’ll have to use them), no way anyone in her income bracket could afford that! She is on Social Security and only has Medicare Part A and Part B. She has no prescription coverage at all.

When Mom originally signed up for Medicare, it wasn’t explained very well to her so she didn’t know about the prescription coverage. She has to wait until her birthday--February--before she can make changes on her plan. So, she’s stuck with what she has for now.

Mom said she was not going to do the treatment due to the high cost and I agreed with her. I said I’d see what else could be done.

I got on Wal Mart’s website and looked up their $4.00 prescription plan. There was a list of a dozen different glaucoma eye drops available for $4.00 per month or $10.00 for 3 months. I emailed the doc with the information asking him if she could use one of the cheaper drops. He said she could although those eye drops were less effective, she would have to use them twice per day rather than once. I said that was fine. So, I picked up the order at Wal Mart and all is fine now.

It just enrages me that the drug companies make these wonderful drugs for all kinds of diseases but have them priced so high that many cannot afford them! Where’s the heart in that? It just tells me the companies are in it for the profits and not for the care of a patient. I have a dear friend with severe osteoarthritis pain and there is a wonderful drug available for treatment. It costs $1,000 per month! As that is not affordable for her, she must suffer needlessly!

Outrageous!!

Baby It's Cold Outside

Well, it was until today. Now, it’s a very warm 80 degrees and sunny--I love it!

But, for the past 5 days, it’s been down to the 40’s at night and low 60’s during the day. On the first cold morning, I got up literally shivering. I had on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I threw on a sweater, fuzzy footies and a pair of slippers. I went over to the thermostat which read 68 degrees.

Now, to many of you, that would normally be quite comfy. But, it’s not normal in this house! This little mobile home was built in 1970. It has very poor insulation. The windows are not glass except for 2 of them, the rest are Plexiglas. As one became broken it became replaced with cheaper Plexiglas. The high, cold Texas wind blows through every crack and crevice. I had my windows closed tight and my curtains were literally blowing in the wind!

I immediately cranked up the heat to 74 degrees and got my clear plastic tape and taped around all of my windows and found that did the trick. I then went around the house and taped up every gap and air leak I could find. It helped but it was still very drafty in here.

Mom got up and came out fully dressed right down to her shoes. She put on a sweater and sat in her chair. Then she threw a blanket over her legs. I told her I’d turned up the heat but it was too soon to make a difference yet. She said “Oh no, don’t do that! It’ll run up the gas bill!” Her gas bill averages $60 a month in the winter because of her habit of staying bundled up and wrapped in a blanket. She said I should do the same! Ummmm--No!

I told her I was not going to bundle up like an Eskimo, there was no reason for it. “Mom, you have the use of this wonderful invention called a furnace. It is capable of keeping you warm while wearing comfy clothes around the house.” She kept on about the cost--a cost she could well afford. I told her everyone else’s gas bill was double that and more and she has done very well keeping her cost down and should be proud of that. I told her I would check into the possibility of the gas company having a budget plan (it does) and we’d get signed up for it. She liked that idea, she’d never heard of it before.

So, she turned up the heat to 78 degrees. Once the house warmed up, she took off the blanket and her shoes, which she replaced with light slippers, and was much more comfortable. I told Sis about it when I saw her. She said she and my brothers argued with her every year about this same subject. They’d come over to visit and it would be almost frosty in here and Mom would be all wrapped up in blankets. Or she’d be running 2 electric heaters and have her electric blanket on. Well, that could pose a fire hazard and runs up the electric bill so it was a no-win situation there, but she didn’t see it that way.

So, we’ll see if she continues to be so agreeable throughout the rest of the season.

On another note, I had lunch 2 Sundays ago with my new found big sis, TJ. We ate and visited for 3 hours! It was a real trip down memory lane for both of us. We told each other of our past, growing up--our marriages--having children, etc.  We have many personality traits that are the same and have many likes and dislikes in common. I hope to see her again real soon. We have lots more to learn about each other.

I gotta go turn on the air conditioning. ‘Til next time..........

A Blast From The Past!!

During the end of World War II  Mom had served 2 years in the WAAC (Women’s Army Air Corps) as an airplane dispatcher. During that time she had met a tall, dark, and handsome Italian and had an affair. When they were discharged, each went their separate ways--he back to California, she back to Small Town Indiana.

Soon after arriving home, she discovered she was pregnant. Oh my! This was unacceptable back in those days--unmarried and pregnant! Oh no! She lived quietly and kept to herself until she gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Within the first few months of the baby’s life, Mom adopted her out to a preacher and his wife. She went on with her life comforted with the knowledge that her baby would be well taken care of.

Jump to 1964---I am 14 years old and was in our basement searching for whatever a nosy teenager might search for. Underneath a hanging clothing bag I discovered a small black trunk--what’s this? I opened the trunk. There, inside a shirt box, was a baby’s white christening dress and a pair of white satin baby slippers. I thought to myself “I wonder if these were mine?” Beneath the shirt box was a shoe box tied with a string. I slipped off the string, took off the lid and found old letters from a man named G. The letters were to my mother.

I poured over those letters and discovered my mother’s ‘checkered’ past. She and G had exchanged letters for a few months after their discharge from the service. Mom had written to him about a baby named TJ and he didn’t seem interested in being a father or a husband and told her to do whatever she thought best. So, I gathered, from all of this information, that the gown and slippers were TJ’s. Further down in the trunk were a few pictures of a beautiful baby girl with dark hair and dark eyes. On the back of one photo was her birth name, birth date, and the name of the couple who adopted her. I was ecstatic with this discovery! I’ve got an older sister somewhere! Lots of questions came to mind and I felt so frustrated because I knew I couldn’t confront my mother with it. During my teen years, she was a very strict, cold woman and these things simply weren’t talked about.

I put everything back exactly as I found it. I was tormented by this knowledge for many years. I was only able to talk about it with my younger sister who was as enthralled with this mystery as I was. Where was TJ? What was she like now? Was she ever told about her birth mother? My mission was to find the answers to these questions. I vowed that one day I would.

Jump to 1969---I’m 19 years old and pregnant, unmarried with my first daughter. Her father was younger than I and his parents wouldn’t give permission for him to marry. My mother was appalled! This was not acceptable! I would have to give up the baby for adoption! She was angry, irate and not understanding whatsoever! She blurted out what had happened to her when she was pregnant with TJ. I told her I had found the trunk years ago and had always wondered about the baby and how to find her. She was stunned! She calmed down and we talked about her past. I told her I wasn’t going to follow in her footsteps. I was going to keep this baby. She became very quiet as she digested this statement and finally gave up and accepted the fact that I was going to do this--with or without her.

I was never really able to do anything with the facts I’d learned about TJ. Over the years, I’d tried to look up information at the library and through old phone books. I was trying to find her adopted parents but, over time, my memory of the facts became skewed and I didn’t have the right name anymore. I was very frustrated because of this and Mom wasn’t any help. She wouldn’t talk about it anymore. The trunk had been lost, somehow, over the years so I couldn’t look up the info in there either!

The years went by and, in 2001, I was introduced to the world of computers. there was a wealth of information out there in cyberspace. Once I had mastered the workings of the internet, I resumed my search for TJ. I tried, on and off, for the next several years. Four years ago, I posted on Ancestry.com. I typed in all of the pertinent information but all I could find was her birth date and it was under a different name. I wasn’t sure if the info was correct or not. A few phone calls and emails led to a dead end. I gave up and forgot about it for a long time.

3 weeks ago, just before going to bed, I received a message from Ancestry.com that I had a new reply to my post. At first, I had no idea what that post would be about--I’d forgotten. I got on the site and pulled up the message.

“I'm pretty sure I have the right person.  My daughter found your post on ancestry.com last night looking for TJ and has spent the whole day searching for you.  She found your web sites and various other info--Google is her new best friend!  Now all that is left to do is to actually contact each other.  I'm scared and excited all at the same time.  My name is ---------.   Looking forward to receiving a reply.  If you are not Barbara ------- from -----------, I will be sorely disappointed, but please reply anyway to let me know either way.
 Hopefully your sister,
TJ”

I was stunned. I started shaking. I kept repeating ‘oh my god’ over and over again. I simply could not believe it! Yet I knew, at the same time, that this was true--this was real!! I fired off a reply and went to bed knowing it could take a while before she read and replied to the message. When I got up the next morning, the reply was there. I answered and gave her my email address and she emailed me soon after.

How do I tell Mom about this wonderful discovery? I was very nervous to bring it up to her. How would she feel? How would she react? Would this upset her or make her happy. I talked to sis about it first and we agreed this wasn’t something we could keep from her--the truth had to be told.

Surprisingly, she was very calm about it! She said she knew her past would catch up with her one day and TJ would try to find her. I told her about my search for TJ over the years and she was surprised at that revelation, also, but was accepting of it. Over the past 3 weeks, TJ and I have exchanged many, many emails and, each time, I printed them out for Mom to read and she was so happy! We found out TJ had 2 children--a girl and a boy--and Mom would say “I have 2 more grandchildren!”

The BIG surprise was that they all lived right here, for many years! Right here in our West Texas town!! That close and none of us ever knew! Amazing, simply amazing!!

This past Sunday, TJ and her daughter came to visit for the afternoon (her son was out of town at the time). It was a wonderful, happy reunion and one of many, hopefully, to come! The funniest remark was made by Mom after they’d left. “Well, she didn’t look like the TJ that I remember!”  Ummm Mom...it’s been 63 years, she was a baby -- she’s not going to look the same!! Hahaha!!

I will keep you all apprised of future happenings with our newfound family members! We are all so happy and, sometimes, it still doesn’t seem real!! Yeh, what a ‘blast from the past’ it’s been!

Mom--Ya Gotta Love Her!

My mama may have a few little idiosyncrasies but she’s so damn cute--without even trying!

Some of the funny faces she makes, when playing cards, is hilarious to watch. It’s all Sis and I can do to keep from busting out laughing!

She wears the cutest little capri pants and short-sleeve blouses that look just darling on her and her white hair is so thin but she wears it in the cutest short style that she cuts by herself!

Her sense of humor is nearly non-existent and she does not show or say ‘I love you’ unless we show it or say it first but she is very kind and very generous. She spoils all of us kids. A lot of times, we have to tell her “NO” or she’d spend all of her monthly check on  us! We have to make her put some in savings each month or she’d have nothing! This from a woman who used to be the greatest penny pincher/miser ever!

Mom has no dementia whatsoever--she is very with it! She will get confused if too much is going on at once but, hell,  I do that! Her memory amazes me! I have to ask her where things are or where I put this or that! Maybe I better start worrying about my own mental capacities! (However, I just chalk it up to menopausal mania!) 

I do wish I could find more lone activities for her to do. She reads a novel or does puzzle books on and off all day but mostly wants me to play card games with her! I love to play these games but not 10-15 times a day! I’m slowly getting burnt out on them.

Yeh, Mom has her kooky ways and odd ways of showing her love for us but--Ya gotta love her!

We do!!

That’s Not Funny!

Mom has little or no sense of humor!
When Sis and I are playing cards with her we’re joking with each other about each play we make or telling funny happenings of our day and cracking up about it. Mom just listens with a straight face or ignores us altogether.
We’ll be watching a situation comedy on tv, or a comedy movie, and laughing our butts off and she’ll say “Well, that’s just silly (or stupid). I don’t see anything funny about it at all. (OR–)that doesn’t happen in real life!”
Jeez Mom! Lighten up!!
My brother loves to tease us or pull practical jokes on us and all of us kids will have a great laugh about it. Mom just rolls her eyes or turns to her puzzle books and ignores us.
What makes someone be like that? I can’t imagine not laughing at least a few times every day! It keeps my spirits up and I enjoy having fun–even if it’s just corny, silly fun.
But, we all accept it–that’s our Mom–and have our fun without her. Just once, though, it would be nice to have her join us in the laughter.

Incense Hazards (plus Labor Day Weekend)

Mom and I both had developed a mild cough over the past week or so and today I discovered the possible cause. About a month ago, I was over to Sis’s and her house smelled wonderful! She burns vanilla-scented incense all day and it was heavenly! I told Mom about it and she said to get some when I went to the store. So, I did just that.
I noticed last week that she had been coughing and she said she never has a cough. I realized I was coughing quite a bit, too. This morning neither one of us was coughing, then I lit the incense and about a half hour later we were both coughing. Curious, I searched online about incense and coughing and discovered it could be the cause of the coughing. It turns out that incense burns 45% carbon into the air as opposed to the 10% from cigarette smoke! Wow! That’s quite a bit!! So, we decided to go without the incense for a week and see if it really is the cause of our coughing.
I’ll try to remember to give ya’ll an update on that.
We had a wonderful Labor Day weekend! Brother D, the truck driver, was here for 4 days and Sis J and her fella, M, and brother N came over here for Saturday dinner. I bought 2 large chuck roasts and made a huge pot of roast beef with boiled potatoes and carrots and green beans plus biscuits. By the time the meal was over there was a small wedge of roast left and that was about it! Mom and I are going to shred it for roast beef sandwiches this week–yum!!
Sis and I hung out with Mom most of the time. Brother N finished building the porch and porch roof onto the side of the mobile home. He finished the ramp for Mom except for putting the non-skid outdoor carpet on it, that gets finished next weekend. She’s thrilled with it! Sis and I went to WalMart and bought her a set of deck chairs–waterproof–and a small table to set between them and we sure enjoyed the evening sitting out there together after it cooled off! Brother D spent most of the time playing his video games and drinking beer. I swear he’s 51 going on 12! (Well, except for the beer–haha!!)
Hope all of you had a great weekend, too!

Don’t Wanna Be Left Out!

Well, here’s a dilemma! Before I moved here to help care for Mom, Sis always bought her groceries for her. Mom had Sis’ name added to her checking account so Sis could write a check for them. When I arrived, Sis was relieved because Mom’s grocery needs were sometimes things that Sis was not familiar with (she is not a cook by any means) and it frustrated her to no end to shop for Mom. So, I told Mom I could get our groceries from now on. She asked how she was going to write a check when the store wouldn’t let me sign for it without my name on it. I explained to her that I could get the groceries with my bank card, then she could write me a check to pay me back–simple! For some reason, Mom wasn’t issued a bank card when she joined the bank 30 years ago and they haven’t issued her one even though they are available now. Anyway, Mom agreed to do it that way.
The next grocery day, she changed her mind. She said she didn’t want Sis to feel left out–like I was ‘taking over’ for her– so Mom decided to divide the grocery list between the 2 of us! Sis and I are both rolling our eyes at this but Sis doesn’t want to hurt Mom’s feelings by telling her she didn’t want to get the groceries anymore and was happy to have me do it. So, we both go to the store together and get what’s on our individual lists (actually I compile both lists into one and we get them all) then Sis pays for them with Mom’s check.
This is crazy!! Why should both of us have to go when I can do it myself?? Sis is frustrated and I’m just annoyed. But Mom insists we do it together so neither of us feel ‘left out’.
When Brother is here he wants to sleep in his sleep cab in his semi truck which he parks in the drive—that’s home to him and all of his ‘stuff’ is in there but Mom insists he pull out the sofa-bed and sleep in here because she doesn’t want him to sleep in the truck and feel ‘left out’!! So, he gets frustrated and argues with her and usually wins and sleeps in the truck. Now, she’s upset because she thinks he won’t sleep in here because the sofa-bed is uncomfortable so she wants to buy a new on and Brother tells her “No, you don’t need a new one.” And on and on it goes!
Sis eats many of her evening meals at my other brother’s house across the street. Mom asked her to have dinner with us one night, then changed her mind because she was afraid other Brother would feel ‘left out’ and have to eat alone. True, he could have come to eat with us also but when he gets home from work he doesn’t feel like getting back out again to come here.
What in the world is all this “feel left out” business about? None of us have any idea! Our eyeballs are starting to hurt from all of the eye-rolling!

Elephant Stew!

This is an honest-to-goodness recipe in an old cookbook published by a church, by it’s members, in the 1970’s. I just had to post it as it made me bust out with laughter so I wanted to share it with you.
(from “Life Grows Better with Good Cooks” published by Norris Chapel United Methodist Church, Auburn Indiana)

Elephant Stew

1 elephant (medium size)
2 rabbits (optional)
Salt and pepper
Cut the elephant into small bite-size pieces. This should take about 2 months.
Add enough brown gravy to cover.
Cook over kerosene fire for about 4 weeks at 465 degrees.
This will serve 38 people. If more are expected, 2 rabbits may be added, but do this only if necessary as most people do not like to find “hare” in their stew.
(Recipe from Martha Albert)
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Things are going well with Mom. A few days ago, I noticed my energy level dipping and I was feeling a little down and no motivation. I realized it was from being in this dark house for days on end.
The next morning I got up (I’m usually up about an hour before Mom) and I opened all of the curtains in the living room. I opened the front door wide as it has a glass/screen door on the outside and I let that sunshine pour in! I instantly felt relaxed yet energized at the same time. I felt awake for the first time in days! I was a little anxious about what Mom would say when she got up.
She got up and came out to the living room and sat in her chair but didn’t say anything about the curtains being opened. Sis came in a little after that and exclaimed “Wow! It looks so airy and sunny in here. I love it!” Mom still didn’t say anything. Sis and I discussed how dark rooms made both of us feel depressed and gloomy and how much better we feel with the natural light coming in–still nothing said by Mom.
Later that day, I could see Mom looking out the windows and she commented on different things:
“Would you look at that? The flowers over at the neighbor’s are blooming beautifully and look at my rose bush! So many pretty flowers!” or “There goes so-and-so that lives down the street.” or “I see Sis coming!”, etc., etc.
She’s become quite the reporter of various neighborhood activities and I’ve become alive and sane again!

What a Worry-Wart!

Mom is such a worry-wart! She frets over my brother’s hair–it’s too long!  He’s an over-the-road semi truck driver so he doesn’t have to be well-kempt. He’s 50 years old and is still living in the 70’s when it comes to his hair. So what. It’s his hair, he’s a grown man, but she harps on him when he’s here and, when he’s not here, I get to hear it nearly everyday–“I wish D would get a haircut, it’s too long.” At first, I would reply with “Mom, he’s not going to. He’s a grown man and he’s going to wear his hair the way he wants.” After, the eleventy hundredth time of hearing this, I now reply with “Yeh, I know” and change the subject.
Then she worries about Sis’ live-in boyfriend. He is a slug, doesn’t work a real job just gets work as a handyman here and there, he uses Sis as a home to come to and food to eat and other uh–stuff. Yes, he takes advantage of her. Yes, she lets him. But this has gone on for 18 years. It’s not gonna change. Leave it alone, it’s her life. But I get to hear that several times a week–”I wish she’d get rid of him, he doesn’t do anything for her.” Well, Mom, I wish the same thing but it’s not going to happen until J has had enough and kicks him out. There is no physical abuse, no psychological abuse, etc. He uses her, and she uses him so she doesn’t have to live alone. If it works, it works–but I do feel sad for her but, again, not our business.
My other brother, N, is a true gem. He lives 2 doors down and he takes care of  all repairs and maintenance on Mom’s mobile home. He just finished building her a new ramp and a front porch. He is going to replace the skirting before winter sets in. so, I get to hear that several times a week. “I wonder when N is going to get the skirting on?” Mom, he’s got until November to get it done. He works full time and has really bad knees so he needs some rest on the weekends. He’ll get to it when he can.
And so on and so on…….and so on.
Patience, Barbara, patience! Take a deep breath. There ya go, now isn’t that better?—????

No Room With A View

(My posts on Senior Safari will be mostly personal from now on as I'm not working anymore and will be Mom's caregiver.)

Well, I arrived at Mom’s on Wednesday, July 29th, at 7:40 pm. My sister met me at the car, as I was getting out, with hugs and joy. I glanced up and there, on the front porch, stood my little Mommy whom I haven’t seen in 11 years! She had aged considerably and looked so cute in her capris and short-sleeved blouse. I walked up the steps and hugged her and tears welled up a little bit. I was so happy to have arrived safely and to see her face. Mom, stoic as ever, said “Quit your bawlin’ and come in and sit down.” But she, also, was so happy to see me. She had worried and paced the entire 3 days I was on the road. We visited for a couple hours, then it was bedtime. I slept like a rock for the first time in months!
The next day, I noticed she didn’t open any of the curtains and all the light bulbs were 40 and 60 watts–very low lighting. The house was dark and gloomy. I opened the front door for the breeze to come in and let in the sunlight. Then I opened the kitchen curtains and she asked what I was doing! I told her I was letting in the sunlight and starting the day with natural light to raise our spirits. She replied, “I don’t have any spirits and there’s no view out there, there’s nothing to see but the neighbor’s house!” I went on to explain that we needed the sunlight to enhance our vitamin D and our calcium and magnesium in our bodies. She just rolled her eyes and closed the curtains. Sis told me she’s kept the house closed up like that for years but didn’t suffer from depression so she gave up trying to convince Mom to ‘open the house’ for the day. I brought up the vitamin theory again on and off that day and the next. Then on the 3rd morning I got up and she was sitting at the kitchen table with the curtains open! Yay!! But, I still can’t get her to open any other curtains in the house. I say to myself  “one step at a time“.
I have done so much the past 2 weeks that it’s mind-numbing!
All of the screens in my room were off and the windows stuck shut so my first step was getting the screens out of the closet, putting them in and washing the windows and loosening them so they would open. One was broken so I repaired that.
The room was decorated in orange–Gack!!!! So I removed the bedspread and rug and curtains and put up my lavender and blue stuff. Now it’s a nice, peaceful looking room.
I bought and hung mini blinds for the bedroom windows and I scrubbed the toilet in my bathroom thoroughly! It was really bad from my brother using it during his visits and Mom couldn’t get down low enough to clean it properly.
Sis bought some 75 watt light bulbs and I put all of those in except for in Mom’s bedroom. I didn’t want to invade her ‘space’! Sis bought herself a new computer desk and gave me her old one so we spent 2 days, on and off, putting that together. Then we carried the old desk down here to Mom’s and got it set up and organized. I cleaned my computer real good and got it hooked up and running but didn’t get internet service until a few days ago.
I scrubbed the stove and refrigerator. It had black mold all around the edges–Ewwww!! I bought Mom a little table lamp to use at the kitchen table during card games. Hers kept shorting out–unsafe!
I hung a shelf for Mom’s bedroom. It had fallen and no one else took the time to fix it. (G-r-r-r) Plus I hung the living room clock where she could see it. It hung behind her chair, on the wall. Didn’t Sis or Brother think of these things??
Mom’s favorite recipes were all faded or torn so I typed/printed out those for her in larger font so she could read them easily.
I’ve learned 2 card games and 2 board games that Mom loves to play and we do that every afternoon alternating between games each day.
Dang! I’m wore out just writing about this let alone when I was actually doing it! haha! I’m going to try to get back to my old posting schedule but it may be erratic. I’m searching for a part-time job on top of everything else so I’m kind of “off kilter” right now.
It sure is nice to be back. I’ve missed everyone!! I hope to post again soon!

On Hiatus–Back Soon!!

(originally posted July 20, 2009)

I will soon be joining the ranks of Personal Caregivers everywhere!! Help me!!!!!!! hahaha!!!
My Mother lives in West Texas and she has had a few falls lately–none serious yet–and she has asked me to come home and help her. My sis has been keeping an eye on her and she simply does not have the patience to continue at any length.
Mom can be very bossy/demanding and is very impatient when things aren’t done to her timetable (meaning yesterday!). Sis easily falls back into the mother/child dynamic and finds it too hard to handle Mom.
I haven’t seen Mom, sis, or brother for 11 years so it’s time I went back home anyway. I’ve been unemployed for over 6 months with no hope of finding anything here soon and my unemployment has run out so this is actually a godsend for me.
I’m hoping that my 8 years experience in eldercare plus the fact that I’ve been distant for so long will play in my favor and help me to be able to handle Mom without tearing out my hair–or hers!
I leave next Monday and should arrive there Wednesday. A good friend of mine, Susan, is driving with me then flying back on Thursday. I hope to be back online within a week or so–tentatively posting again by August 10th.
Everybody wish me luck! Please!!!

Have a Giggle!

I thought it was time to ‘lighten up’ and get away from the serious posts. So many caregivers suffer from depression due to their caring for their loved ones. It can be exhausting work–both physically and emotionally.
So take a breather, put your feet up, and have a giggle!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
He asked,”Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?”
“Oh no,” I replied. “I’ve never done either.”
Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said “No, I’ve heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf or sailing or ballooning or rock climbing ?”
“No, I don’t,” I said.
He said, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?”
“No,” I said. “I’ve never done any of those things.”
He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a crap if you live to be 80?!!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Cat In The Hat On Aging
I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad…can you tell
My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New words for an old song From The Sound of Music’s “A Few of My Favorite Things”:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knittin’,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin’s,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food and no food with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’.
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had, And then I don’t feel so bad.
THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I’VE HAD AND THEN I DON’T FEEL SOOO BAAAD.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday’s sermon was—Forgive Your Enemies
Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, “How many of
you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands. The
Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady.
“Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight.” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all
how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the
world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said: “I outlived the bitches.”

Tips for Caregivers

Assuming the Role of Caregiver
You are now the advocate for your loved ones. Make sure they are getting the best medical care possible. Your job is to find the most competent and caring physicians you can. Work with medical professionals you can trust to help you and your loved one through these difficult times. You will find strength you never knew you had, just make sure you save some for yourself. One of the hazards of caregiving is sacrificing yourself in the process.
One Thing at a Time
During times of crisis, don’t worry about the future.  Deal with NOW. Choose the first goal to reach. Don’t worry about what might occur later. This only increases your anxiety and stress. Choose the next goal and take one step at a time. Worrying about the future saps your energy during critical times.
Tell Others Your Worries
Don’t deny your own pain and frustration.  And don’t hold it in. It is important to find ways to vent about your own stress and tell others what you are going through. Those who care will be there for you.
Taking Care of You
You must take care of your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. You may be focused on your loved one’s suffering, but you need to be strong in order to be there for them. Leave, with a friend or other family member taking over, for short periods, and do not feel guilty. Watch your own health–get adequate nutrition, exercise, and rest. Remember the statement about using oxygen masks on airplanes: “When flying with children, always place YOUR mask on first.” You have to be strong, aware and able-bodied to be able to help others.
Knowing When to Let Go
When it comes to making decisions about end of life or continued treatment, make the choice is based on the best interest of your loved one. Rather than allowing loved ones to die peacefully, some people insist that “everything be done.” This causes unnecessary pain and suffering to the loved one. The motivation may be guilt or the inability to let go. In such situations this is a selfish, rather than a loving act. Know in your heart when it is time to let go.

Help Video for Caregivers

I want to thank Terrilee from the blog Loving Grand for posting about this video. I decided to post about it for my readers who may be interested.
The video is quite long but broken into segments so you can watch it at your leisure then, later, take up where you left off.
It is put together by Alzcast.org. I hope you will learn from this well-presented feature:

Caring For a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Disease

Assisted Living Menus

It is my opinion that many Assisted Living facilities do not take into consideration the menu needs of a dementia sufferer. I have worked for 8 years in this field and I’m in the Midwest so I am speaking of those communities.
Most of these facilities have 70% dementia sufferers as their residents. Yet, in the dining room, they tend to cater more toward the retired independent clients. The menus may include items such as:
Tuna burger nicoise
Hawaiian veal roast with red bliss potatoes
Salmon Oscar  (cooked salmon topped with crab meat, asparagus, and a creamy bearnaise sauce)
Cabbage with mango and peanut salad followed by shrimp risotto prepared Tuscan style.
Raspberry Mesclun Salad  (Mesclun, Raspberries, Goat Cheese and Walnuts with Raspberry Dressing)
Chicken Française with Penne Sicilian
Sautéed Maryland Crab Cakes with a Saffron Red Pepper Remoulade Gravlox
Well, you get the idea. While these menus may be delicious, they are not standard fair for Midwest communities. These people were raised on roast beef cooked with potatoes and carrots, fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, pinto beans with cornbread and fried potatoes and so on.
Their vegetables were canned which meant they were soft when cooked, while facilities steam the vegetables which gives a chewy texture that the residents do not like. They roasted or baked, or fried their meats while facilities tend to braise or steam the meats which make them tough to eat.
Many times, I have asked the Food Service Directors if they would modify the menus for the dementia patients. I was told they were not allowed to do that due to Corporate procedure. Corporate made the menus and passed them to all of their facilities. The menus would be based on the popularity of their larger facilities that were in New York or California. We aren’t in New York or California. We are Midwestern down-home people who prefer simplicity in our meals.
They were allowed to add items “off” menu such as hamburgers, grilled cheese, tuna salad sandwiches and such which meant the majority of the dementia patients would order those most of the time. This would upset the Directors because the residents weren’t even trying the fancier choices. Well, gee, do you have any idea what “Chicken Française with Penne Sicilian” means to someone with dementia? It means ‘Huh?’!! If they don’t know what it is, they’re not going to order it!
Sausage Manicotti? Please– give ‘em spaghetti and meatballs.
Rotini Greek Salad? Please don’t. Macaroni salad is just fine.

Broken Promises

“The promise given was a necessity of the past: the word broken is a necessity of the present.” Machiavelli

“I’ll always take care of you.” “I’ll never put you in a nursing home.”
Many caregivers have made this kind of  promise to their parents. That promise–usually made when a parent is still ‘with it’ and fairly healthy–will leave the child with guilty feelings when the time comes that there is little choice but to break that promise and put the parent in a facility of some kind.
The guilt can be overwhelming as the child still tries to keep the parent at home and thus recieves low quality care due to the fact that the job has become so stressful that the caregiver/child can no longer manage properly due to intense stress. Once Alzheimer’s Disease or other dementia becomes a factor, it causes tremendous changes in the lives of the caregiver and the parent.
It will be necessary to come up with a new plan but use your love for her to guide your way. Love her enough to risk her short-term anger when you need to find a way for her to get better care.
Besides the changes in her condition, if you start noticing changes in your attitude such as wanting to ‘run away‘–then it is time to rethink the situation. You cannot give your best if you do not feel your best both physically and emotionally.
There are many types of facilities to choose from depending on the parent’s condition and financial situation.
–Alzheimer’s Assisted Living centers
–Special Care units
–Assisted Living centers
–Nursing homes
Placing the parent in another setting is actually an act of love. It allows for her to be in a safe setting, which will reduce her frustration and anxiety, with a staff that is well trained and capable of handling any incidents that occur. You can still visit as often as you wish and continue a loving, caring relationship with her.
You will have the added benefit of being able to relax and enjoy your life and other family members. You will be able to rejuvenate and know that your role in the caregiving was very important, and still is as you guide staff through the personal history they need to know about the parent.
All in all it can be a win/win situation. It will enhance your life and your parent’s life.
For more information on each type of facility see  A Place For Mom

Sandwich Generation Women

The “Sandwich Generation” describes those who are sandwiched between the dual responsibilities of caring for their own children and for aging parents or relatives. This group usually falls in the 35 to 64-year-old age range, although people outside that range can also be considered part of the Sandwich Generation.
In addition, women are often the most sandwiched in this situation as they are usually the primary caregiver to children and aging relatives, and they typically make health care decisions for the family.
According to the U.S. Census, more than 42 million women fall into the age range for the Sandwich Generation. That means millions of Americans may be caught in the middle – juggling the multiple responsibilities of jobs, families and aging relatives.
For more information and helpful links, visit  Help Starts Here
 

Online Support Groups

In the years that I’ve been in the Retirement Home/Assisted Living business I have received very little training in dementia care. One place had no training at all and the other gave employees 6 hours a year. It was done in one day and consisted of reading materials–that we couldn‘t keep! There was no input, insight, or examples given by a trainer–there was no trainer! Very little of the ‘training’ was retained since it was too much too absorb so quickly.
I’m an avid believer in online support forums. I’ve belonged to several over the years. Some were for fun and learning things like creating art or cross-stitch needlepoint, some were for more serious support like surviving abuse  or going through an illness or a life-phase that was hard to cope with alone. Without those support groups, I would have been a lost soul trying to struggle on my own.
So, I decided to search for and join some groups for caregiving and for learning more about dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease. I found three that I liked, that were very informative and user-friendly. I joined and posted my introduction on why I was there. Two of them I received one reply each. The third one, though, gave me so much feedback so quickly, sometimes within minutes and from several members! What a great site it is!
Eldercare Forum is so warm and inviting. They are very knowledgeable on the day-to-day aspects of caregiving–they have been there done that!! The forum is part of their informational site ElderCareOnline. The site offers many valuable tips on preparing the home for one with dementia, the experience of living in a nursing home, a bookstore and a Caregiver Education Series. Their Alzheimer’s/Dementia Care Channel  gives links to ‘Stages of Alzheimer’s Disease’, ‘Behavior Management‘, ‘Caregiving Day by Day’ and much more.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a shoulder to lean on (or cry on) then this is the place for you. They will welcome you with open arms.
Then there is the The Family Caregiver Forum  This forum is for all family caregivers–not just for Alzheimer’s or Dementia–who care for a parent, spouse, child, or other family member.
I joined this past Saturday night and, by the following night, I received several replies that were very informative and supportive. The members made me feel very welcome and part of their family.
The forum is part of the site ‘National Family Caregivers Association’ which educates, supports, empowers and speaks up for the more than 50 million Americans who care for loved ones with a chronic illness or disability or the frailties of old age.
Please, if you are in need of support and want to be warmly welcomed to this group, sign up and join this great ‘family’!
(Links to these forums are also in my sidebar.)

Memories

But, thanks for the memory:
Of every touch a thrill. I’ve been through the mill.
I’ve lived a lot and learned a lot……..

Our elders have learned a lot through the years. They have so much to share with us. They have many, many experiences tucked under their belt, many stories to tell.
Wouldn’t it be nice if those memories were recorded for future generations? This can be done in several different ways. A scrapbook, a journal, a tape recording, or a video recording of them telling those stories—relating those many experiences. Lessons learned to be handed down through the family.
I know that we adults live busy lives and some of you are thinking “When would I find the time?” It doesn’t have to be you. Possibly there is a child or teenager in the family who would love to be a ‘reporter’ and interview the elder and record or videotape it. They could take the time to put together a scrapbook of photos, newspaper clippings, photocopies of diplomas, certificates, birth announcements, etc. The child would benefit from such an interactive activity and the elder would feel like he/she were contributing something worthwhile.
For further information and ideas, see this article……
Preserve Life Stories 

Mom, You’re Not Crazy!

Just before Christmas, I’d been home for an entire week because I had too many vacation days built up and had to use them by the end of the year. So, I was at home finding all kinds of things to do–like long neglected housework (yuck)–when my 85-year-old Mom called me.
“Honey, I sent out your Christmas card but I can’t remember if I wrote anything in it or not!”
“Haha! Well, Mom, if you didn’t then I will write in there that it was from you. No big deal.”
“But you don’t understand! I’m afraid I’m going crazy! You know, that demented thing people get when they get old!”
“Mom, you’re not crazy or demented. For one thing, if you had dementia, you wouldn’t even remember to send out Christmas cards let alone write in them.”
“You’re kidding me. Is that what dementia is?”
“Yes, that is what dementia is. You wouldn’t remember to do simple holiday things, you might not even remember what Christmas is. So I think you are just fine, don’t worry about it.”
“Well, ok then. When you get it, will you call me and let me know if I wrote anything or not?”
“I sure will, Mom, love you and talk to you later.”
I received the card about three days later and, yes, she had written a short note in it. My Mom is just fine. I hope I’m as active and spry as she is when I reach her age.
Please keep in mind that there are those loved ones who don’t remember the holidays or the traditions anymore but they should still be included in all the gatherings and all the hoopla. If not for their sake, then for yours. You will have the memories to hold on to when you need to.

Dealing with Dementia

Dealing with people who have dementia is so very hard. It requires much patience and understanding.
I deal with people who have dementia, on a daily basis, at work. Of the 80 residents we have, over 75% of them have dementia in one stage or another. It can be heartbreaking. I don’t know how family members deal with it. I can’t imagine my own mother not knowing who I am! The feeling must be devastating.
There are many residents that I’m very close to and have know the past 5 years.
It’s very sad when they don’t know my name. They know who I am, they see me every day, and I have wonderful interactions with them. But, five minutes later, it is as if it never happened.
Sometimes, it’s less than five minutes. We have one table of four ladies who have Alzheimer’s. I’ll take their lunch order, go to the next table to take their order and they call me back over to ask “When are you going to take our order?” I have to explain that I took their order and the cook is working on it. I walk away, to turn in my orders and fix their drinks, etc. but every time I walk by their table, I am asked again–and again–about their order so I have to repeat my self again–and again. Yes, it can be frustrating. Patience! Patience! Deep breaths!
One resident there is so much fun. I’ve known her for over 2 years, since she moved in. She is a cusser, she pulls no punches, she says it like it is. I just love her! She used to be the Head Surgical Nurse at our local hospital, very dignified, very tough. Sadly, her secret life caught up with her as she has alcohol-related dementia. She is only 60-plus. She doesn’t even look like she should be here, she looks so young. When she sees me, she just lights up. She banters with me and acts all tough then she’ll hug me so tight and laugh and we’ll joke with each other. She is not like that with anyone else. She remembers how she interacts with me but she doesn’t remember my name.
Then there’s one lady who is simply just ‘lost’. She knows her own name but that’s about it. You have to take her to her table, show her how to sit down, show her how to use her silverware. She doesn’t understand the concept of eating anymore. Every meal, she must be instructed through the entire process again. Between meals, she just sits in the lobby “reading” the same magazine over and over. If she’s allowed to stay in her room, she will just get into bed and stay there. So, we all try to keep her active but it’s pretty much a lost cause.
But, I keep taking care of them in the dining room, I chat with their families (when and if they come to visit)and let them know how they are doing. I love them, I feel bad for them–these lost wandering souls who have no memories. So sad.
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These are some things I have learned, over the years, through our Dementia Training classes that might interest others……
Dementia definition: Dementia is a mental disorder characterized by a general loss of intellectual abilities involving impairment of memory, judgement, and abstract thinking as well as changes in personality. Dementia is a condition of many diseases;
dementia itself is not a disease. Dementing conditions are caused by an abnormal disease process that can affect both younger and older people.
The term dementia denotes memory loss. Medication can slow the progression of dementia, but damage to the brain cannot be reversed.
The losses caused by dementia interfere with a person’s ability to function normally in social and occupational activities.
There are over 100 conditions that mimic dementia: reactions to medications, emotional distress, metabolic disturbances (for example: that sick feeling you get if you worked a double shift and did not eat or sleep), kidney failure, hypothyroidism, liver failure, vision and hearing problems, nutritional deficiencies, infections, and brain tumors.
Diseases that contribute to dementia:
–Alzheimer’s disease–An irreversible neurological disorder.
–Alcohol Related Dementia–May occur as a sequel to chronic alcohol abuse.
–Stroke or multiple small strokes
–Vitamin B-12 deficiency–A form of anemia
–Parkinson’s Disease–A progressive neurological disease
–Cerebral Diseases–diseases of the brain
–Metabolic disorders–something that has upset the the body’s natural balance
–Poor nutrition
Aging Issues of Dementia:
–Memory Impairment (recent memories first)
–Disorientation–may not know where they are or how they got there
–Apraxia–Inability to execute a skilled or learned motor act
–Agnosia–Loss of ability to recognize objects, people, sounds, shapes or smells
–Aphasia–Loss of the ability to speak or write or to understand spoken or written language