What a Worry-Wart!

Mom is such a worry-wart! She frets over my brother’s hair–it’s too long!  He’s an over-the-road semi truck driver so he doesn’t have to be well-kempt. He’s 50 years old and is still living in the 70’s when it comes to his hair. So what. It’s his hair, he’s a grown man, but she harps on him when he’s here and, when he’s not here, I get to hear it nearly everyday–“I wish D would get a haircut, it’s too long.” At first, I would reply with “Mom, he’s not going to. He’s a grown man and he’s going to wear his hair the way he wants.” After, the eleventy hundredth time of hearing this, I now reply with “Yeh, I know” and change the subject.
Then she worries about Sis’ live-in boyfriend. He is a slug, doesn’t work a real job just gets work as a handyman here and there, he uses Sis as a home to come to and food to eat and other uh–stuff. Yes, he takes advantage of her. Yes, she lets him. But this has gone on for 18 years. It’s not gonna change. Leave it alone, it’s her life. But I get to hear that several times a week–”I wish she’d get rid of him, he doesn’t do anything for her.” Well, Mom, I wish the same thing but it’s not going to happen until J has had enough and kicks him out. There is no physical abuse, no psychological abuse, etc. He uses her, and she uses him so she doesn’t have to live alone. If it works, it works–but I do feel sad for her but, again, not our business.
My other brother, N, is a true gem. He lives 2 doors down and he takes care of  all repairs and maintenance on Mom’s mobile home. He just finished building her a new ramp and a front porch. He is going to replace the skirting before winter sets in. so, I get to hear that several times a week. “I wonder when N is going to get the skirting on?” Mom, he’s got until November to get it done. He works full time and has really bad knees so he needs some rest on the weekends. He’ll get to it when he can.
And so on and so on…….and so on.
Patience, Barbara, patience! Take a deep breath. There ya go, now isn’t that better?—????

No Room With A View

(My posts on Senior Safari will be mostly personal from now on as I'm not working anymore and will be Mom's caregiver.)

Well, I arrived at Mom’s on Wednesday, July 29th, at 7:40 pm. My sister met me at the car, as I was getting out, with hugs and joy. I glanced up and there, on the front porch, stood my little Mommy whom I haven’t seen in 11 years! She had aged considerably and looked so cute in her capris and short-sleeved blouse. I walked up the steps and hugged her and tears welled up a little bit. I was so happy to have arrived safely and to see her face. Mom, stoic as ever, said “Quit your bawlin’ and come in and sit down.” But she, also, was so happy to see me. She had worried and paced the entire 3 days I was on the road. We visited for a couple hours, then it was bedtime. I slept like a rock for the first time in months!
The next day, I noticed she didn’t open any of the curtains and all the light bulbs were 40 and 60 watts–very low lighting. The house was dark and gloomy. I opened the front door for the breeze to come in and let in the sunlight. Then I opened the kitchen curtains and she asked what I was doing! I told her I was letting in the sunlight and starting the day with natural light to raise our spirits. She replied, “I don’t have any spirits and there’s no view out there, there’s nothing to see but the neighbor’s house!” I went on to explain that we needed the sunlight to enhance our vitamin D and our calcium and magnesium in our bodies. She just rolled her eyes and closed the curtains. Sis told me she’s kept the house closed up like that for years but didn’t suffer from depression so she gave up trying to convince Mom to ‘open the house’ for the day. I brought up the vitamin theory again on and off that day and the next. Then on the 3rd morning I got up and she was sitting at the kitchen table with the curtains open! Yay!! But, I still can’t get her to open any other curtains in the house. I say to myself  “one step at a time“.
I have done so much the past 2 weeks that it’s mind-numbing!
All of the screens in my room were off and the windows stuck shut so my first step was getting the screens out of the closet, putting them in and washing the windows and loosening them so they would open. One was broken so I repaired that.
The room was decorated in orange–Gack!!!! So I removed the bedspread and rug and curtains and put up my lavender and blue stuff. Now it’s a nice, peaceful looking room.
I bought and hung mini blinds for the bedroom windows and I scrubbed the toilet in my bathroom thoroughly! It was really bad from my brother using it during his visits and Mom couldn’t get down low enough to clean it properly.
Sis bought some 75 watt light bulbs and I put all of those in except for in Mom’s bedroom. I didn’t want to invade her ‘space’! Sis bought herself a new computer desk and gave me her old one so we spent 2 days, on and off, putting that together. Then we carried the old desk down here to Mom’s and got it set up and organized. I cleaned my computer real good and got it hooked up and running but didn’t get internet service until a few days ago.
I scrubbed the stove and refrigerator. It had black mold all around the edges–Ewwww!! I bought Mom a little table lamp to use at the kitchen table during card games. Hers kept shorting out–unsafe!
I hung a shelf for Mom’s bedroom. It had fallen and no one else took the time to fix it. (G-r-r-r) Plus I hung the living room clock where she could see it. It hung behind her chair, on the wall. Didn’t Sis or Brother think of these things??
Mom’s favorite recipes were all faded or torn so I typed/printed out those for her in larger font so she could read them easily.
I’ve learned 2 card games and 2 board games that Mom loves to play and we do that every afternoon alternating between games each day.
Dang! I’m wore out just writing about this let alone when I was actually doing it! haha! I’m going to try to get back to my old posting schedule but it may be erratic. I’m searching for a part-time job on top of everything else so I’m kind of “off kilter” right now.
It sure is nice to be back. I’ve missed everyone!! I hope to post again soon!

On Hiatus–Back Soon!!

(originally posted July 20, 2009)

I will soon be joining the ranks of Personal Caregivers everywhere!! Help me!!!!!!! hahaha!!!
My Mother lives in West Texas and she has had a few falls lately–none serious yet–and she has asked me to come home and help her. My sis has been keeping an eye on her and she simply does not have the patience to continue at any length.
Mom can be very bossy/demanding and is very impatient when things aren’t done to her timetable (meaning yesterday!). Sis easily falls back into the mother/child dynamic and finds it too hard to handle Mom.
I haven’t seen Mom, sis, or brother for 11 years so it’s time I went back home anyway. I’ve been unemployed for over 6 months with no hope of finding anything here soon and my unemployment has run out so this is actually a godsend for me.
I’m hoping that my 8 years experience in eldercare plus the fact that I’ve been distant for so long will play in my favor and help me to be able to handle Mom without tearing out my hair–or hers!
I leave next Monday and should arrive there Wednesday. A good friend of mine, Susan, is driving with me then flying back on Thursday. I hope to be back online within a week or so–tentatively posting again by August 10th.
Everybody wish me luck! Please!!!

Have a Giggle!

I thought it was time to ‘lighten up’ and get away from the serious posts. So many caregivers suffer from depression due to their caring for their loved ones. It can be exhausting work–both physically and emotionally.
So take a breather, put your feet up, and have a giggle!
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I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
He asked,”Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?”
“Oh no,” I replied. “I’ve never done either.”
Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said “No, I’ve heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf or sailing or ballooning or rock climbing ?”
“No, I don’t,” I said.
He said, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?”
“No,” I said. “I’ve never done any of those things.”
He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a crap if you live to be 80?!!”
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The Cat In The Hat On Aging
I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad…can you tell
My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.
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New words for an old song From The Sound of Music’s “A Few of My Favorite Things”:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knittin’,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin’s,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food and no food with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’.
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had, And then I don’t feel so bad.
THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I’VE HAD AND THEN I DON’T FEEL SOOO BAAAD.
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Sunday’s sermon was—Forgive Your Enemies
Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, “How many of
you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands. The
Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady.
“Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight.” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all
how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the
world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said: “I outlived the bitches.”

Tips for Caregivers

Assuming the Role of Caregiver
You are now the advocate for your loved ones. Make sure they are getting the best medical care possible. Your job is to find the most competent and caring physicians you can. Work with medical professionals you can trust to help you and your loved one through these difficult times. You will find strength you never knew you had, just make sure you save some for yourself. One of the hazards of caregiving is sacrificing yourself in the process.
One Thing at a Time
During times of crisis, don’t worry about the future.  Deal with NOW. Choose the first goal to reach. Don’t worry about what might occur later. This only increases your anxiety and stress. Choose the next goal and take one step at a time. Worrying about the future saps your energy during critical times.
Tell Others Your Worries
Don’t deny your own pain and frustration.  And don’t hold it in. It is important to find ways to vent about your own stress and tell others what you are going through. Those who care will be there for you.
Taking Care of You
You must take care of your own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. You may be focused on your loved one’s suffering, but you need to be strong in order to be there for them. Leave, with a friend or other family member taking over, for short periods, and do not feel guilty. Watch your own health–get adequate nutrition, exercise, and rest. Remember the statement about using oxygen masks on airplanes: “When flying with children, always place YOUR mask on first.” You have to be strong, aware and able-bodied to be able to help others.
Knowing When to Let Go
When it comes to making decisions about end of life or continued treatment, make the choice is based on the best interest of your loved one. Rather than allowing loved ones to die peacefully, some people insist that “everything be done.” This causes unnecessary pain and suffering to the loved one. The motivation may be guilt or the inability to let go. In such situations this is a selfish, rather than a loving act. Know in your heart when it is time to let go.

Help Video for Caregivers

I want to thank Terrilee from the blog Loving Grand for posting about this video. I decided to post about it for my readers who may be interested.
The video is quite long but broken into segments so you can watch it at your leisure then, later, take up where you left off.
It is put together by Alzcast.org. I hope you will learn from this well-presented feature:

Caring For a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Disease

Assisted Living Menus

It is my opinion that many Assisted Living facilities do not take into consideration the menu needs of a dementia sufferer. I have worked for 8 years in this field and I’m in the Midwest so I am speaking of those communities.
Most of these facilities have 70% dementia sufferers as their residents. Yet, in the dining room, they tend to cater more toward the retired independent clients. The menus may include items such as:
Tuna burger nicoise
Hawaiian veal roast with red bliss potatoes
Salmon Oscar  (cooked salmon topped with crab meat, asparagus, and a creamy bearnaise sauce)
Cabbage with mango and peanut salad followed by shrimp risotto prepared Tuscan style.
Raspberry Mesclun Salad  (Mesclun, Raspberries, Goat Cheese and Walnuts with Raspberry Dressing)
Chicken Française with Penne Sicilian
Sautéed Maryland Crab Cakes with a Saffron Red Pepper Remoulade Gravlox
Well, you get the idea. While these menus may be delicious, they are not standard fair for Midwest communities. These people were raised on roast beef cooked with potatoes and carrots, fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, pinto beans with cornbread and fried potatoes and so on.
Their vegetables were canned which meant they were soft when cooked, while facilities steam the vegetables which gives a chewy texture that the residents do not like. They roasted or baked, or fried their meats while facilities tend to braise or steam the meats which make them tough to eat.
Many times, I have asked the Food Service Directors if they would modify the menus for the dementia patients. I was told they were not allowed to do that due to Corporate procedure. Corporate made the menus and passed them to all of their facilities. The menus would be based on the popularity of their larger facilities that were in New York or California. We aren’t in New York or California. We are Midwestern down-home people who prefer simplicity in our meals.
They were allowed to add items “off” menu such as hamburgers, grilled cheese, tuna salad sandwiches and such which meant the majority of the dementia patients would order those most of the time. This would upset the Directors because the residents weren’t even trying the fancier choices. Well, gee, do you have any idea what “Chicken Française with Penne Sicilian” means to someone with dementia? It means ‘Huh?’!! If they don’t know what it is, they’re not going to order it!
Sausage Manicotti? Please– give ‘em spaghetti and meatballs.
Rotini Greek Salad? Please don’t. Macaroni salad is just fine.