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Friday, March 26, 2010

Mom’s Shallow-minded Beauty Tips

Over these past few months, I have learned that Mom is very shallow-minded and judgmental. She is obsessed with people’s looks.

I wear my hair long. It is past my shoulders and it is straight and fine. I, occasionally, wear it in a ponytail or a bun. When I first arrived here, to take care of Mom, I’d worn my hair up in a bun due to the July heat. The next morning, I brushed it out and left it down. Later that day, Sis and I were going to the store. We were both wearing sweatpants and t-shirts. Sis’s shoulder length hair was in a ponytail --her usual style.

As we were ready to go out the door, Mom said to me, “Aren’t you going to wear your hair up or curl it? Where’s your makeup? You have no makeup on!” I told her no, it wasn’t hot enough to wear my hair up, I‘m not going to curl it when it‘ll be straight in another 5 minutes, and I don‘t wear makeup.

Then she commented on my style of dress. “You’re going to town dressed like that?” Like what?!!  I realized right then what was going on. I said, “Mom, this is who I am. This is how I dress. This is how I wear my hair. I am who I am and if people don’t like it, well, that’s too bad.”
She’s never brought it up to me again and Sis told me she had said the same to Mom years ago so that’s why Mom didn’t say anything to her.

Now, brother D is home for a few days and I have to listen to her complain about his looks constantly -- but never to him! D has longish hair kept back in a ponytail and he has a full beard and moustache --very hippie/70’s looking. He is 50 years old and not about to change.

Every single time, D has left to go somewhere, I get to hear:

“I wish he’d cut his hair!”
“I wish he’d shave that beard!”
“I wish he’d wear nice jeans and a shirt instead of those ratty jeans and t-shirts!”
“I wish he’d buy a decent coat instead of wearing that damn jean jacket!”


After months of hearing this, on and off, I’d had enough!

D left for town this morning and I got the endearing pleasure of listening to her tirade again!
Now, Mom has a way of avoiding discussions or arguments by always saying “OK” in a very sweet, little voice. That means she ‘agrees’ so no use to continue the conversation --it maddens me beyond belief!

So, after her little outburst, I said “Mom! Clothes do not make the person! Looks do not matter! It’s what is in a person’s heart that matters and the kind of person they are that counts!”

“ok.”

Gr-r-r-r! I want her to have a conversation with me about her shallow thinking and her prejudices
(that’s a whole other subject) so I can try to explain how crude her thinking is in this day and age. But, she cuts me off with that ‘OK’ so I end up feeling very frustrated!

So, if anyone comes to visit, I hope they’re dressed to the ‘nines’ or else I’ll be hearing how dreadful they are. Over and over again.

SS Siggy

4 comments:

Jonie said...

(((Barbara))) I don't think you're going to change her at her age. You'll probably have to accept that she was brought up in an era when clothes did make people...or that's what she believes. What about adopting that "ok" and just agree with her and change the conversation :-)))
No point in getting mad! Hugs!!

BBB said...

Very good advice Jonie! Thanks for setting me straight! :)

Anonymous said...

Jonie is right on our mom’s were brought up in an era where clothes and the way you looked were important. I have the same problem with my mom, she rarely wore pants and it bothers her that I live in jeans, t-shirts and tennis shoes. :)

BBB said...

Thanks Nancy. I know she was brought up that way. Thank goodness for more open-mindedness these days!

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