To Give is to Receive

The past month, Mom kept bringing up the fact that she had so many pretty coats and dresses, etc. that were taking up space in the closet and she hadn’t worn them in years. She wanted to sell them in a garage sale. Sis and I told her it wasn’t feasible to have a garage sale as we live out in the country and would get very few people stopping by. We told her we’d be glad to take them and donate them to the Salvation Army.

“No way! I’m not giving my pretty clothes to some one who doesn’t deserve them! You know how those Salvation Army stores are. They sell to anybody and some drunken, drugged up woman will get them.”

“Mom, the Salvation Army store is for the poor so they can buy clothes they need at very cheap prices. There are many poor people who need them.”

“No, that’s what they say but it doesn’t really happen that way. The slobs of society buy there the most.”

Sis and I decided to close that subject before we let out our anger at Mom’s words. Mom is very prejudiced and believed her clothes wouldn’t go to the ’right’ people. A couple weeks ago, I called the local women’s shelter and asked if they accepted donations of clothing. The woman I talked to was thrilled. She said they get so few donations as most people donate to Salvation Army, Goodwill and the more well-known places like that. She told me the address of the drop-off place where we could take the clothes and thanked me for thinking of them.

Sis dug into her closet and bagged up 6 large trash bags full of clothing and shoes. They filled the back seat of my car. I had very little to donate as I'd sold/donated everything before I'd moved here. We went into the house and talked to Mom about donating her items and she liked the idea of donating to the women’s shelter. She deemed them ‘worthy’ of the clothing. She went through her closets, drawers, and boxes of stored clothing, shoes, and purses. We bagged and boxed all of it and took it out to the car. Mom’s items filled the trunk and the back floor of the car. Sis held onto 2 boxes in her lap for the trip to the drop-off.

We arrived to the drop-off and was greeted by a lovely woman who was so excited to see us. I opened the trunk and the back doors of the car and her eyes grew huge in the wondrous sight before her! She was ecstatic and stated they had never received such a generous donation before. This donation would clothe many, many women in their time of need. Mom’s dressy items would be wonderful for some woman trying to find a job. She would look very nice for an interview.

She hugged us profusely and had the most wonderful smile on her face and a few tears in her eyes. We drove off with tears in our eyes. What a wonderful feeling!

Please donate what you can to those in need. You’ll give someone something that is badly needed and you will receive such gratitude. It will make your heart full.

Waste Not--Want Not

Thanksgiving was a hectic yet wonderful family day as I hope everyone’s was. It was the first Thanksgiving I’d celebrated with my family in years. I was always working at the retirement home and I worked the holidays so I could be with the residents. Hence, I haven’t cooked a big meal in a long, long time. Brother N did a lot of the cooking with me. I was totally exhausted by the time it was all over.

When it came time to clean up the kitchen and divide up all the leftovers, the guys went into the living room and watched football--of course--and Sis, Mom, and I started in. Sis divided up the side dishes and I divided up the meats and desserts.  We removed the foil off of the meats and other dishes that we put it over to keep food warm and laid it aside.

Sis glanced over to see Mom at the sink washing off all the used foil. She was washing it to re-use it! Sis told her that was not necessary, foil is cheap and to just throw it away! Mom wouldn’t hear of it so we just left her alone and let her wash the foil.

I got out the box of plastic storage bags to divide some dinner rolls into and found several used bags stuffed into the top of the box. Some of them still had old dried food particles in them. Sis and I looked at each other in horror! Jeez, Mom could get food poisoning using these! I had never noticed it in the time I’d been here. We went through the cabinet and found used foil folded up and found old food particles on some of those.

Right then, Mom was trying to find a small bowl to put the leftover corn in--all 2 tablespoons of it. We told her to just throw it away, it wasn’t enough for anyone for a meal. She threw a fit saying she wasn’t gonna do it. So, instead, she ate the rest of the corn which was fine. I scraped the leftover mashed potatoes into a storage bowl except for the burned bits that stuck to the bottom of the pan. I tool the pan over to the trashcan to scrape it in there and Mom got in an uproar again. I just acted like I didn’t hear her.

Next thing we know, Mom is washing the Chinet paper plates we’d eaten on! That did it! Sis threw her hands up in the air and took Mom into the living room and gave her a puzzle book to work on. We had to get her out of the kitchen so we could go through everything and see what else she was hoarding.

We didn’t find anything and we threw away the ‘washed’ foil (still having food particles on them), we threw away all plastic storage bags that had been used, then we cleaned out the fridge of food she’d kept in there for 2 weeks. I knew the food had been in there and every time I’d try to throw it out, Mom would fight with me. So everyday I would take out the food and smell it to see if it was still good hopefully to keep Mom from being poisoned. Sis and I took this opportunity to get rid of everything. We made sure family members got the majority of the Thanksgiving leftovers. If it was too much for us, Mom would have had us eating it for a month or until it spoiled--whichever came first.

Now I make it a daily habit to check the food, the foil/storage bags, and the paper plates. I throw them away when I find any that have been used. Mom hasn’t missed any of it so far!

Mom’s Eye Care Delayed

We’ve had to put a hold on Mom’s glaucoma care. The cheaper eye drops ($4.00 at WalMart) were doing nothing to help the eye pressure. Doc prescribed another medicine and when I called about it I found out the cost was $216.00!! Impossible for Mom to afford. I told Doc this--again--and he said he had no idea how much the drugs cost. They are not informed of that by the drug salespeople. Maybe if they were, they’d realize how ridiculous the drug companies prices are and help us to change things. ---Not!!

Mom threw her hands up in the air and said “Forget it! I’m not having anything done! I’ll just get through it on my own and deal with it when I go blind. When that time comes, you can lead me around by the hand.”

“Ummm no, Mom. I’ll put you in bed with a bell!” Well! She seemed to like that idea and I thought ‘oh no! She’ll drive me nuts with the bell.’ “That’s ok, Mom. I’ll lead you around by the hand.”

Sis and I finally talked her into signing up for the prescription plan through Medicare. It will cost her $26.00 per month and $5.00 per month for her eye drops--the good eye drops. Very affordable. She threw a fit saying she can’t afford that so Sis and I told her we will pay for it and she finally agreed. Her coverage will start the first of the year so we’ll go back to making appointments for her then. She will not have the surgery due to the fact her co-pay would be about $2,000 but at least she’s agreeing to have the eye drop therapy which will be for life. We haven’t even dealt with the subject of her cataracts yet. It was enough of a struggle to get the glaucoma stuff straightened out.

I feel bad for Mom. Her day revolves around doing word puzzle books and reading a lot of fiction books. If she loses her eyesight it will be seriously devastating to her. I think she would just curl up in bed and sleep until her day above comes along. I hope those eye drops do their job!

Goody Update: Goody has a new full name thanks to Nancy (friend and follower). Her name is now ‘Good and Plenty’ after the famous candy! It certainly fits her as she weighs in at 15 pounds!

She has adjusted to our daily routine so she’s up when we are up for the day then spends a good deal of the day outside. She is used to being out there and that’s fine since she stays by the house or in the yard. She does most of her ‘business’ outside which makes it nice for me. I only have to clean out her litter box about every other day. At night, she goes to bed with me and sleeps through the night. She keeps my feet warm. She is a joy and Mom really likes having her around so things are working out really well!

The Incredible INedible Egg!

I love eggs. Mom used to love eggs, but not anymore. All of a sudden, she has an aversion to them.

A while back, she was going to cook an egg for breakfast. She cracked open the egg into the skillet, then I heard a little shriek! I went to the kitchen to see what was wrong.

“What’s the matter with this egg?”

“I don’t know, Mom, what’s the matter with it?”

“That goop! Can’t you see that goop on the egg?”

“Goop? What goop are you talking about?”

“THAT goop--right there!” She pointed to the ‘goop’ on the egg.

“Mom, that’s just part of the egg, it’s always there.”

“No, it’s not! It’s never been on any of my eggs before! What have those egg people done to my eggs? They’re injecting them with something, this isn’t right at all! They‘ve ruined my eggs!”

“Mom, I think it’s always been a part of the egg. I don’t think anyone would take the time to inject each and every egg at the egg factory. That would take forever.”

“Well! Apparently somebody has a lot of time on their hands then! I’m not eating this!”

“Mom! It’s not going to hurt you! It’s part of the egg!”

Mom proceeds to take a fork and try to pull the ‘goop’ off of the egg.
“Well crap! Now it broke the yolk! I’m not eating an egg with a broken yolk!”

“Mom, how about if I scramble it for you.”

“What? No way! It’ll mix that goop all through it then! Forget it, I’ll throw it away and try another one, maybe it‘s just this one!”

Mom throws away the broken egg and cracks open another one.
“What’s the matter with this egg?”

“Mom, that’s just part of the egg, it’s always there.”

“Dammit! I’ll never eat another egg again!”

Oh God! My eyes hurt from doing this so much  > > 

Goody, Goody For Me!

Sis has about a dozen stray cats that come to her house every morning and evening to eat. She buys the food then pours it into containers around the yard for the strays. The strays know when it’s time to eat and no matter where they are they manage to get to Sis’ house on time for their meals. She has such a big heart for cats and has several of her own indoor cats she cares for also.

Soon after I moved here to Mom’s I noticed a big ol’  gray tiger striped cat wandering around the area. One day, I pointed it out to Sis. She said “Oh, that’s Good Kitty.” I thought the cat was one of the many strays, which she gives names to,  and thought nothing more of it.

As time went by, some of the strays got to know me and would hang out on our porch sleeping in the sun. Good Kitty was one of them. I’d always go out and pet them and talk to them. Good Kitty was always the last one to leave at the end of the day.

Two weeks ago, we had a cold spell with gusting Texas winds and temps in the 40’s. I felt so bad for the strays but most would get under the mobile homes and stay warm that way. However, Good Kitty would hang out by the window and look in. She looked so sad and lost. One evening, Sis came over to visit and Good Kitty came in with her!

Mom was not happy about that! She wanted Sis to take the cat outside. Sis asked her “Why? It’s not hurting anything.” The cat was laying on the floor in front of the couch. Mom insisted she was not going to have another cat, they got into things, jumped up on things, and were dangerous being around her legs. Sis said “Mom, this would be the perfect cat for you. It’s fixed and de-clawed and is much older. It wouldn’t be getting in the way at all.” I said “What? It’s fixed and de-clawed? I thought it was a stray!”

Well, it turns out that the cat had a family who lived a few doors down for several years. They moved out at the beginning of summer and left the cat there! I don’t get that!!! How does someone have a cat for years, have it fixed and de-clawed--which costs a considerable amount of money--and then just leave it behind?

Now, I felt totally different about the cat. This cat had been an indoor cat since it was a kitten and had to spend the summer wandering the neighborhood with no defense against other animals. I felt so bad for the poor cat. It looked to be at least 5 years old if not older. I joined in with Sis trying to convince Mom to let us keep him. She emphatically said ‘No’.

Too make a long story short--it took another week to finally convince Mom to let us keep the cat. Sis would bring it in with her during her daily visits and Mom slowly got used to it and saw that the cat wasn’t going to be any trouble. I went to the store one day and when I returned Sis told me that Mom finally relented and said I could have it. I was so pleased! I hugged Mom and thanked her and I thanked Sis because she was the one that finally convinced Mom.

Sis gave me the supplies I needed and the cat became one of the family that night. I checked her over real good, found out ‘it’ was a she, detected no fleas on her, and discovered she had ear mites. I’ve treated her for the ear mites so she is fine now. She is very good since she is so fat and lazy. Typical ol’ cat--she eats, sleeps, walks around for maybe 5 minutes, sleeps, gets up and walks around for 2 minutes, sleeps--you get the idea!

She’s become accustomed to being outside for so many months that she wants out every morning, after eating, but she stays close by and comes back in during the afternoon and stays in then. She sleeps at the foot of my bed every night. Mom enjoys watching her and she pets on her and coos over her. She is a great cat for us.

I call her ‘Goody’.    Goody, goody for her--Goody, goody for me!!

A Poem about Alzheimers'

I want to take the opportunity to introduce you to a poetress I have met recently. I have used two of her poems on my 3B Digital Art site.

She sent me the link to this poem she wrote about Alzheimer's Disease and I wanted to share it with all of you....

A LIFE SUSPENDED

In and out they seem to fade
I'm gazing at a faded page;
I reach for faces,
They become currents before me
In the river of my memories,
Then surface clearly,
The sunlight's rays sparkling
On their smiles;

I am a child once again,
Lost
Where is my home?
Just beyond my grasp
There it is!
Somewhere..

Apple pie I smell,
It's sweet aroma of cinnamon
Filling my nostrils;
Laughter I hear,
Is it my own
My children's
Is it of times gone by?

I am within a kaleidoscope
Pieces of colored glass;
Who turns the wheel?
Ever changing in my vision,

Be patient with me
I am the same within,
Though expression wans,

I remember,
I remember
Yes,
I remember
Love.

Nancy Ellen Crossland
6/19/2009
**Dedicated to the victims of Alzheimer's and their loved ones

Outrageous Drug Prices!

I am appalled at the high cost of drug prices! Mom went for her cataract evaluation and found out not only does she have cataracts in both eyes, she also has glaucoma! She is not showing any symptoms yet so she swore the doc was wrong. It took him, Sis, and me to explain to her that the symptoms won’t show up until it gets worse and too late to do anything about it. She needed to ‘nip it in the bud’ starting now. So, she finally relented and agreed to treatment. Doc called in a prescription for glaucoma eye drops and all was well.

So we thought!

Before going to the pharmacy, I called for the price so Mom would know how much to write the check for so I could pick it up. The eye drops cost $190!! For a one month supply! What!!!???? There was no way she could afford that every month over her lifetime (that’s how long she’ll have to use them), no way anyone in her income bracket could afford that! She is on Social Security and only has Medicare Part A and Part B. She has no prescription coverage at all.

When Mom originally signed up for Medicare, it wasn’t explained very well to her so she didn’t know about the prescription coverage. She has to wait until her birthday--February--before she can make changes on her plan. So, she’s stuck with what she has for now.

Mom said she was not going to do the treatment due to the high cost and I agreed with her. I said I’d see what else could be done.

I got on Wal Mart’s website and looked up their $4.00 prescription plan. There was a list of a dozen different glaucoma eye drops available for $4.00 per month or $10.00 for 3 months. I emailed the doc with the information asking him if she could use one of the cheaper drops. He said she could although those eye drops were less effective, she would have to use them twice per day rather than once. I said that was fine. So, I picked up the order at Wal Mart and all is fine now.

It just enrages me that the drug companies make these wonderful drugs for all kinds of diseases but have them priced so high that many cannot afford them! Where’s the heart in that? It just tells me the companies are in it for the profits and not for the care of a patient. I have a dear friend with severe osteoarthritis pain and there is a wonderful drug available for treatment. It costs $1,000 per month! As that is not affordable for her, she must suffer needlessly!

Outrageous!!

Baby It's Cold Outside

Well, it was until today. Now, it’s a very warm 80 degrees and sunny--I love it!

But, for the past 5 days, it’s been down to the 40’s at night and low 60’s during the day. On the first cold morning, I got up literally shivering. I had on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I threw on a sweater, fuzzy footies and a pair of slippers. I went over to the thermostat which read 68 degrees.

Now, to many of you, that would normally be quite comfy. But, it’s not normal in this house! This little mobile home was built in 1970. It has very poor insulation. The windows are not glass except for 2 of them, the rest are Plexiglas. As one became broken it became replaced with cheaper Plexiglas. The high, cold Texas wind blows through every crack and crevice. I had my windows closed tight and my curtains were literally blowing in the wind!

I immediately cranked up the heat to 74 degrees and got my clear plastic tape and taped around all of my windows and found that did the trick. I then went around the house and taped up every gap and air leak I could find. It helped but it was still very drafty in here.

Mom got up and came out fully dressed right down to her shoes. She put on a sweater and sat in her chair. Then she threw a blanket over her legs. I told her I’d turned up the heat but it was too soon to make a difference yet. She said “Oh no, don’t do that! It’ll run up the gas bill!” Her gas bill averages $60 a month in the winter because of her habit of staying bundled up and wrapped in a blanket. She said I should do the same! Ummmm--No!

I told her I was not going to bundle up like an Eskimo, there was no reason for it. “Mom, you have the use of this wonderful invention called a furnace. It is capable of keeping you warm while wearing comfy clothes around the house.” She kept on about the cost--a cost she could well afford. I told her everyone else’s gas bill was double that and more and she has done very well keeping her cost down and should be proud of that. I told her I would check into the possibility of the gas company having a budget plan (it does) and we’d get signed up for it. She liked that idea, she’d never heard of it before.

So, she turned up the heat to 78 degrees. Once the house warmed up, she took off the blanket and her shoes, which she replaced with light slippers, and was much more comfortable. I told Sis about it when I saw her. She said she and my brothers argued with her every year about this same subject. They’d come over to visit and it would be almost frosty in here and Mom would be all wrapped up in blankets. Or she’d be running 2 electric heaters and have her electric blanket on. Well, that could pose a fire hazard and runs up the electric bill so it was a no-win situation there, but she didn’t see it that way.

So, we’ll see if she continues to be so agreeable throughout the rest of the season.

On another note, I had lunch 2 Sundays ago with my new found big sis, TJ. We ate and visited for 3 hours! It was a real trip down memory lane for both of us. We told each other of our past, growing up--our marriages--having children, etc.  We have many personality traits that are the same and have many likes and dislikes in common. I hope to see her again real soon. We have lots more to learn about each other.

I gotta go turn on the air conditioning. ‘Til next time..........

A Blast From The Past!!

During the end of World War II  Mom had served 2 years in the WAAC (Women’s Army Air Corps) as an airplane dispatcher. During that time she had met a tall, dark, and handsome Italian and had an affair. When they were discharged, each went their separate ways--he back to California, she back to Small Town Indiana.

Soon after arriving home, she discovered she was pregnant. Oh my! This was unacceptable back in those days--unmarried and pregnant! Oh no! She lived quietly and kept to herself until she gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Within the first few months of the baby’s life, Mom adopted her out to a preacher and his wife. She went on with her life comforted with the knowledge that her baby would be well taken care of.

Jump to 1964---I am 14 years old and was in our basement searching for whatever a nosy teenager might search for. Underneath a hanging clothing bag I discovered a small black trunk--what’s this? I opened the trunk. There, inside a shirt box, was a baby’s white christening dress and a pair of white satin baby slippers. I thought to myself “I wonder if these were mine?” Beneath the shirt box was a shoe box tied with a string. I slipped off the string, took off the lid and found old letters from a man named G. The letters were to my mother.

I poured over those letters and discovered my mother’s ‘checkered’ past. She and G had exchanged letters for a few months after their discharge from the service. Mom had written to him about a baby named TJ and he didn’t seem interested in being a father or a husband and told her to do whatever she thought best. So, I gathered, from all of this information, that the gown and slippers were TJ’s. Further down in the trunk were a few pictures of a beautiful baby girl with dark hair and dark eyes. On the back of one photo was her birth name, birth date, and the name of the couple who adopted her. I was ecstatic with this discovery! I’ve got an older sister somewhere! Lots of questions came to mind and I felt so frustrated because I knew I couldn’t confront my mother with it. During my teen years, she was a very strict, cold woman and these things simply weren’t talked about.

I put everything back exactly as I found it. I was tormented by this knowledge for many years. I was only able to talk about it with my younger sister who was as enthralled with this mystery as I was. Where was TJ? What was she like now? Was she ever told about her birth mother? My mission was to find the answers to these questions. I vowed that one day I would.

Jump to 1969---I’m 19 years old and pregnant, unmarried with my first daughter. Her father was younger than I and his parents wouldn’t give permission for him to marry. My mother was appalled! This was not acceptable! I would have to give up the baby for adoption! She was angry, irate and not understanding whatsoever! She blurted out what had happened to her when she was pregnant with TJ. I told her I had found the trunk years ago and had always wondered about the baby and how to find her. She was stunned! She calmed down and we talked about her past. I told her I wasn’t going to follow in her footsteps. I was going to keep this baby. She became very quiet as she digested this statement and finally gave up and accepted the fact that I was going to do this--with or without her.

I was never really able to do anything with the facts I’d learned about TJ. Over the years, I’d tried to look up information at the library and through old phone books. I was trying to find her adopted parents but, over time, my memory of the facts became skewed and I didn’t have the right name anymore. I was very frustrated because of this and Mom wasn’t any help. She wouldn’t talk about it anymore. The trunk had been lost, somehow, over the years so I couldn’t look up the info in there either!

The years went by and, in 2001, I was introduced to the world of computers. there was a wealth of information out there in cyberspace. Once I had mastered the workings of the internet, I resumed my search for TJ. I tried, on and off, for the next several years. Four years ago, I posted on Ancestry.com. I typed in all of the pertinent information but all I could find was her birth date and it was under a different name. I wasn’t sure if the info was correct or not. A few phone calls and emails led to a dead end. I gave up and forgot about it for a long time.

3 weeks ago, just before going to bed, I received a message from Ancestry.com that I had a new reply to my post. At first, I had no idea what that post would be about--I’d forgotten. I got on the site and pulled up the message.

“I'm pretty sure I have the right person.  My daughter found your post on ancestry.com last night looking for TJ and has spent the whole day searching for you.  She found your web sites and various other info--Google is her new best friend!  Now all that is left to do is to actually contact each other.  I'm scared and excited all at the same time.  My name is ---------.   Looking forward to receiving a reply.  If you are not Barbara ------- from -----------, I will be sorely disappointed, but please reply anyway to let me know either way.
 Hopefully your sister,
TJ”

I was stunned. I started shaking. I kept repeating ‘oh my god’ over and over again. I simply could not believe it! Yet I knew, at the same time, that this was true--this was real!! I fired off a reply and went to bed knowing it could take a while before she read and replied to the message. When I got up the next morning, the reply was there. I answered and gave her my email address and she emailed me soon after.

How do I tell Mom about this wonderful discovery? I was very nervous to bring it up to her. How would she feel? How would she react? Would this upset her or make her happy. I talked to sis about it first and we agreed this wasn’t something we could keep from her--the truth had to be told.

Surprisingly, she was very calm about it! She said she knew her past would catch up with her one day and TJ would try to find her. I told her about my search for TJ over the years and she was surprised at that revelation, also, but was accepting of it. Over the past 3 weeks, TJ and I have exchanged many, many emails and, each time, I printed them out for Mom to read and she was so happy! We found out TJ had 2 children--a girl and a boy--and Mom would say “I have 2 more grandchildren!”

The BIG surprise was that they all lived right here, for many years! Right here in our West Texas town!! That close and none of us ever knew! Amazing, simply amazing!!

This past Sunday, TJ and her daughter came to visit for the afternoon (her son was out of town at the time). It was a wonderful, happy reunion and one of many, hopefully, to come! The funniest remark was made by Mom after they’d left. “Well, she didn’t look like the TJ that I remember!”  Ummm Mom...it’s been 63 years, she was a baby -- she’s not going to look the same!! Hahaha!!

I will keep you all apprised of future happenings with our newfound family members! We are all so happy and, sometimes, it still doesn’t seem real!! Yeh, what a ‘blast from the past’ it’s been!

Mom--Ya Gotta Love Her!

My mama may have a few little idiosyncrasies but she’s so damn cute--without even trying!

Some of the funny faces she makes, when playing cards, is hilarious to watch. It’s all Sis and I can do to keep from busting out laughing!

She wears the cutest little capri pants and short-sleeve blouses that look just darling on her and her white hair is so thin but she wears it in the cutest short style that she cuts by herself!

Her sense of humor is nearly non-existent and she does not show or say ‘I love you’ unless we show it or say it first but she is very kind and very generous. She spoils all of us kids. A lot of times, we have to tell her “NO” or she’d spend all of her monthly check on  us! We have to make her put some in savings each month or she’d have nothing! This from a woman who used to be the greatest penny pincher/miser ever!

Mom has no dementia whatsoever--she is very with it! She will get confused if too much is going on at once but, hell,  I do that! Her memory amazes me! I have to ask her where things are or where I put this or that! Maybe I better start worrying about my own mental capacities! (However, I just chalk it up to menopausal mania!) 

I do wish I could find more lone activities for her to do. She reads a novel or does puzzle books on and off all day but mostly wants me to play card games with her! I love to play these games but not 10-15 times a day! I’m slowly getting burnt out on them.

Yeh, Mom has her kooky ways and odd ways of showing her love for us but--Ya gotta love her!

We do!!