Brotherly Loathe

Three days before Christmas, Sis and I were wrapping gifts to put under our little tree. We were looking forward to the holiday as it would be the first time in 20 years that we’d all be together--a time for rejoicing. Brother D was still out on the road driving for Arrow Trucking, the company he worked for, but would be home for a few days the following week.

Later that afternoon, we heard D’s semi-truck pull into the driveway. What?? Maybe he was surprising us because it certainly was! He came in, sat down, and proceeded to tell us he’d lost his job. Mom’s first statement was “They finally caught you, huh? You were drinking while driving!”
D ignored her remark then told us that the company had shut down--closed it’s doors with no notice until today. All of the truckers got the message via their truck computers...’Go to the nearest dealer and turn in your trucks and go home. We are no longer operating.’

As the weeks have gone by, it’s become quite the nightmare for D and for us. It turns out that many drivers were stranded all over the States with no way to get home. Many tried to drive home in their trucks only to run out of gas and find out the company gas cards were cut off. The federal government has charges against Arrow Trucking for racketeering and many other charges. The owners of the company are no where to be found. Two weeks of pay wasn’t given to the drivers, they can’t get to their 401K accounts due to no paperwork forthcoming from Arrow, many are finding it hard to get new jobs with other companies because of no work history files for them to check. Of course, D is devastated and we feel really bad for him.

But! He is handling his problems with alcohol. D has been an alcoholic all of his adult life just as our Dad was before his death last year. D starts drinking in the morning, rarely eats any meals, and is totally wasted by nightfall. He sits in his room, playing video games and yelling and cussing at the game all day long. When Mom and I go to bed, he is still in there until nearly midnight and he could care less that we are trying to sleep.

One night, I’d had enough and I went into his room and stated very calmly and quietly “D! We’re trying to rest!” He said ‘Oh, sorry’ (as if he didn’t know that--- both of us had told him goodnight when we went to bed). Then I said, “Can you not play that game without all of the cussing and yelling?” Then walked out closing the door. He had no reply. At least, I didn’t scream at him like I really wanted to do. He did quiet down and has been quiet each night since then.

Previously, Mom wouldn’t let me say anything to him because she didn’t want a big argument and more tension. But, I had enough and couldn’t hold back. While it affects my mother’s health and well-being I feel the need to put a stop to it. This is HER house and HER needs come first but, alas, she is the one stopping from acting on this issue.
Since I’d finally spoken up and all stayed calm, Mom now asks me to say things to D that she’s afraid to say such as “You need to eat something before hitting that bottle.” “You aren’t going to sit here drinking all day, start finding a job.” “You need to be quiet when we go to bed, we need our rest.” And so on. As long as I stay calm and speak quietly, he doesn’t take it as a threat and he complies with my requests.

This is very hard on both Mom and me. We both lived with abusive alcoholics and when each of us left our husbands, we had vowed to never live with another alcoholic. Well, this our brother/son and we are at a loss on how to deal with his behavior. Mom is reacting by not getting her sleep at night due to worrying about him hence she is taking several naps a day to make up for it instead of just one afternoon nap, her appetite is low, and she’s nervous a lot.

I’m reacting the same way I did when I was married--very stressed and tense which has kicked in IBS and an old ulcer recurring after many, many years of not having either problem. I feel so enraged inside at the unfairness of having to live with this kind of behavior again. I very much want to throw him out but Mom says, “He’s my little boy. I can’t do that to him.”

So, I take my ulcer and IBS medicines,  try to stay calm, and pray he finds work soon---please VERY soon!
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Goody Update: What’s weird is that Goody just loves D!  She has never wanted to play with me or Mom or any toys. Very lazy, fat, old cat. But, with D, she is playful and he loves playing with her. She must have been a man’s cat before she was dumped on the streets.

She sleeps with Mom every night now. She used to sleep with me so I don’t know why she changed her habit. Maybe she’s watching over Mom--??